Rebekah: Really? Even I'm not that gullible.

Stefan: You jump first, Elena.

Elena Haters: PUSH HER!

Elena: I'll jump. I'll jump.

Elena Haters: HERE'S HOPING YOU LAND CHEST FIRST ON A POINTY STICK.

Rebekah: Now that she's gone, Stefan, there's something I have to tell you about The Bore.

Stefan: But she's a vampire now. If Klaus could hear me when he was down in the Mossy Manse Dungeon, then surely, Elena will hear you. Oh, if only I'd brought my motorcycle.

Writers: Don't worry, Stefan. This week, the script only calls for keen vampire hearing at dramatic moments.

Recapper: I hate so much about what you choose to be.

Back in the well, hole, cave, crypt place, Jeremy's shirtless again, and Bonnie is feeling him up. Shane tries to guide her, but Jeremy interrupts and tells her she is in control.

Shane: This is my verse, hello.

Bonnie: Have you noticed how cute I am, and still I'm yet to have sexy fun times on this show, meanwhile my besties have had plenty? Right, so shut up Shane. I'm feeling up McQueen, here.

Shane: Breathe. It's just like Lamaze.

Bonnie: Lamaze -- did you miss the part about no sexy fun times?

We cut to the woods to give Bonnie a chance to turn Shane into a toad. Let's hope she takes it. Vaughn's tattoo starts to disappear, which he correctly interprets to mean that Bonnie is casting her spell. Back in the cave, the walls start tumbling. They land all around Jeremy and Bonnie. Shane -- who still has not taken on his true toad form, runs. We cut to commercial, thank goodness.

Down below, Elena has been struck with vampire deafness scriptococcus, so she doesn't hear Rebekah and Stefan discussing how there's only one dose of the cure. When Stefan berates himself for being dumb enough to hold out hope, Rebekah says that even if she'd consider giving it to him, to ease his suffering (and I'm not sure it would since the guilt is one of the worst parts for him), she knows he'd probably just turn around and give it to Elena. Our girl is learning. She's learning hard, but she's learning. To prove my point, she apologizes to Stefan that it couldn't work out the way they all wanted it to, then gives him a broken neck vampire nap. Elena's vampire deafness scriptococcus heals just in time for her to hear the bones snap. She turns her head and open mouthed, she watches as Stefan falls. We cut to the...