Vampire Diaries
Down the Rabbit Hole

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B+ | 4 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Cure Bore Galore

In the background, Rebekah and Stefan argue whether or not they'll get any help from Klaus. Rebekah knows Klaus is terrified that the Fellowship will cure him, besides which, he'd never want anyone to derive any moment of happiness. Stefan points out that Klaus is trapped in Elena's house and there's only so many places you can hide a three foot long piece of metal. That's probably true, Stefan, and yet you couldn't find it, you big doof. Never fear. Super Caroline is here. She tells the gang to send her the tattoo photos. She'll find the sword and call them back. As she's leaving Gilbert Gables, Klaus asks, "Need my help with anything, love?" Without even meeting his eye, Caroline swans out of the house with a crisp: "Nope!"

Back on the island, Shane, Bonnie, Jeremy and Shane's manwitch reach the Silas cave. Inside, at the edge of the Silas hole, Manwitch says this is as far as he'll go. Shane tries to tempt him to come along for this monumental blah blah, but Manwitch has his limits. "You said, 'Get the kid and the witch.' I did. I want to get paid, now." Shane unzips his back pack and presents the Silas tombstone to Manwitch, who turns to Bonnie and Germ and says, "I'll say a prayer for your souls." With that, he's gone. Bonnie speaks for the fandom when she gets up in Shane's face and says, "That's what the tombstone was for -- to pay off a mercenary?" Shane says the tombstone's core is made of Q's calcified blood, which in some witch circles makes it more valuable than the Hope Diamond. When Shane asks the kids who wants to go down into the hole first, we cut back to...

Gilbert Gables. Caroline and Tyler return. Klaus greets Tyler with a: "So, if it isn't Little Orphan Lockwood. Come to show how laughably impotent you are against me?" Tyler just wants to help his friends find the cure. He's noticed that the hilt of the sword contains a clever little device. Klaus probably knows the answer to his own question, but asks what it is. When Caroline answers, "It's called a cryptex," Tyler looks at her in surprise, so Caroline adds, "I've seen The DaVinci Code. You turn the different sides to the different symbols, to get the translation on the other side." Caroline invites Klaus to join them as they try to use the cryptex to decode the pictures of Jeremy's tattoo. I hate recapping this shit. It's the fantasy genre's answer to spooling up FTL drives in Sci-Fi, so I'll go no further in trying to explain a complicated, fictional device that makes no sense, except to say that Klaus points out the kids are lacking on thing -- a working knowledge of Aramaic. Tyler needs Caroline to explain what Aramaic even is, so you can see how well prepared the home team is. Klaus of course knows Aramaic. Since he's had a thousand years on his hands, that is no more (and actually far, far less) preposterous than most things on this show, so I'll buy that.

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Vampire Diaries

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