Ian Somerhalder is all, "Whatever, Cindy. What about my breasts... er pecs? I'm shirtless over here, unlike andice-Cay." Good point, Ian. Damon is sleeping away, but something distracting happens with his chest, too. It rises and falls, which is just dumb. Now, the CW has to use human actors (Vampires won't join SAG). If they were shooting a cold scene in which the actor's breath was visible, I'd hand-wave it away; ditto the panting that tends to come after a fight scene. And if there were any dialogue going on, I'd remind myself that even if vamps don't need air to "live," it is necessary for vocalization. But it's not cold and he's not talking, and yet....

Meanwhile, Caroline is having a muted panic attack, and decides exiting the bed she's currently sharing with a monster might not be the worst idea. She gingerly lowers her feet to the ground. She has a cute little star tattoo on her right foot, which reminds me of my cousin J's star tattoos (but J's are on her neck -- she's hardcore). She makes her way to the door, and looks back TO SEE SOMERHALDER TAKING MORE DEEP BREATHS. She places her hand on the doorknob, silently blessing her co-star for making us forget about her earlier, unfortunate breast wonkiness, but the old knob squeaks (not a reference to Somerhalder's age). She looks back to make sure the incredible breathing vampire is still sleeping, but he's gone from the bed. And now, he's doing that annoying thing he and Stefan have going on, where they sneak up on women. I'm going to call it the Stealth Salvatore. After he says, "Good morning," Caroline backs away, breathing things like, "Please, don't..." She grabs a lamp and when she raises it like a weapon, Damon tries to warn her off, but thankfully, she ignores him. She smashes him with it, but she might as well have smashed him with a piece of limp spaghetti. Her parents, hearing the disturbance, burst in the room, so Damon flees out the nearest window. No, wait, this is the CW! There are no parents on this show that will interfere with their 17-year-old daughter picking up strangers and bringing them home for a slumber party or a good blood-sucking. Poorly-parented Caroline throws something else at Damon, but it bounces off. He finally throws her down on the bed and as she screams for him to get away from her, he says, "This could have gone a completely different way." He sniffs her blood-soaked pillow, vamps out, and moves in for the...TITLE CARD!