Football Practice: Tanner is not only the history teacher for various grades, and the staff member you meet with when your ward is a druggie truant, he is also the varsity football coach. Sheesh. If he'd just stick a broom up his ass, he could sweep the floors while he's at it. Anyhow, when Tyler Lockwood misses a pass, Tanner publicly humiliates him for his lack of prowess both scholastic and athletic. Stefan lurks nearby, because that's what vampires do best. While and Bonnie and Elena do their warm-ups, Elena invites her friend to dinner to get to know Stefan better. Bonnie tries to change the subject by inquiring as to Caroline's whereabouts, noting that she's texted her about a hundred times, but Elena holds her ground, until Bonnie agrees to come to dinner.
Stefan approaches Tanner about going out for the team, but since he seems hell-bent on driving all his charges to suicide, he relishes his opportunity to tell Stefan that varsity try-outs were last spring. Stefan changes course and apologizes for getting off to a bad start with him, and asks for a chance. Tanner agrees, "Just to see you get knocked on your ass." Hey Stefan, if you ever do decide to fall off the wagon and drink some human blood, have I got a meal for you. Matt's a little disappointed when he realizes what's going on. "First my girlfriend, now my team." Tyler, being a psychopath, sees this as an opportunity to do some damage to the new kid. Back at cheerleading practice, Bonnie frets over Caroline until she arrives with Damon Salvatore in his beautiful, blue convertible. I think it's a Chevy Camaro (although not a Z28; the insignia on the grill and the lights would be different), circa 1969(ish), but please feel free to correct me in e-mail, because my muscle-car days were history even before Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley graduated from high school. Yes, that long ago. Anyhow, Caroline sneers something at Elena about getting the other brother, but Elena refrains from sneering back about the way-out-of-its-place scarf Caroline's wearing with her tank top and short-shorts. Caroline must be chief bitch in charge, because she orders the girls to start off with a "Double pike herky hurdler," as we cut to commercial. After we return, Elena makes a couple of missteps, and Caroline revels in suggesting she just observe for the day. Elena decides, instead, to observe her cute new boyfriend, going out for the football team with her cute old boyfriend, and his psychotic, do-ragged friend. Yeah, Ty's wearing a do-rag. It helps keep his mind on its single track, you can tell, because he continues to work Matt's jealousy of Stefan. He says they should set him up for a Buddy Pass, which sounds a lot friendlier than it turns out to be. Matt throws a high pass in Stefan's general direction. And when Stefan leaps for it, Tyler brings him down hard. While Stefan lies there with the unnecessary wind knocked out of him, Ty says, "Welcome to the team, buddy." Tanner, disappointed that Stefan is going to live, tells him to walk it off. Matt though, sweet Matt comes over and says, "That was my bad." After Matt leaves, Stefan removes his gloves and un-breaks his pinky. Yeeeowch. Excuse me, I have to faint. Be right back.