Vampire Diaries
Handle With Care

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 96 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
A Touch of Grey Kinda Suits You, Anyway
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Season five of The Vampire Diaries is kicking my ass. The good thing is, compared to season 4 (and probably season 3, although they run together in my head) it is also kicking ass, where watchability is concerned. Just don't make me think about the mythology, because it hurts me. I'm procrastinating, aren't I? Okay, enough of that. Let's rip off the bandage. I'll try not to pick at the scab. Are you ready? Okay!

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries there were smoochies galore, mostly between Stefan and Elena, but then between Elena and Damon. Silas started looking just like Stefan. Nobody wants to go to the party only to be dressed in the same thing someone else is wearing, so he locked Stefan in a safe and tossed him into the quarry, where he drowned and revived all summer long. Qetsiyah (whom I've been calling Q, so of course the show has started calling her Tessa) arrives in town and rescues Stefan, but then wipes out his memories, in order to suppress Silas's telepathy and mind controlling powers (which I'm going to shorthand as telepathy). Dr. Maxfield tells Elena people on campus are watching her and her friends, so she'd best drop out and go home. Damon hatches the cockamamie plan of working with Silas to get the immortality cure, so that when he offs himself, they can trade Silas's life for Bonnie's, and get her back on This Side, ignoring my screams that it's Qetsiyah's life they have to exchange for Bonnie. Q-Tessa tells Stefan that while Silas was her true love, his true love was Amara, who, of course, is played by Nina Dobrev. Even though this is Television Without..., I pity the starving performers who are waiting tables, while Ms. Dobrev and Paul Wesley are hogging all the jobs. Nadia, the would-be Traveler who is actually a vampire as well as Katherine's daughter, tells her mama that Silas needs every last drop of her blood to cure himself. Damon is more than willing to feed Kiki to Silas and does just that, despite her pleas for her life. She seems to die, but then revives, only to see Damon and Elena standing over her. Katherine looks up at them and asks, "Am I in Hell?" -- which will never not be funny.

Now, on The Vampire Diaries, Kiki is at a diner and eating approximately the whole menu. The waitress wonders how a tiny little thing can eat so much, and I just sort of want to slap the writers, because they know this show is aimed at teenage girls, who already have enough food and body issues. Well, I guess it's better than watching her starve herself, so I'll shut up. The waitress congratulates Katherine on her bold hair choice. Kiki has no clue what that means, until she checks her reflection in a napkin holder, and sees the huge grey streak on the righthand side of her head. I've got one starting in the front of my head -- like I'm Bonnie Raitt, which would be fine if I had her talent. Title card.

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Vampire Diaries

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