Vampire Diaries
Into The Wild

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C | 8 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Campfire Stories

Back on Craphole East, Shane says his Satellite phone has lost its signal. This seems like an obvious lie to me. When Elena says she's creeped out, Rebekah tells her to leave, since she's useless, anyhow. "Jeremy has the spell on his body." Oh, so now it's a spell, not a map to the Bore? Whatever, Show. Rebekah continues: "Bonnie's the witch that unseals the cure. Shane is the human compass. You and I have the tombstone, which does -- God knows what -- and Elena has no point." Leading the pack, Damon turns around and says, "What about me?" Rebekah hollers back to him, "You have a nice behind." That works for Damon. Even Stefan has to grin.

There's a time cut and it's night now. Thank you for sparing me their whole hike. Shane is wearing a headlamp. No, I'm not making that up. I'm already too overwhelmed by all the exposition to do that. Here's some more: centuries after Q died, some miners were excavating a well on the island. They went mad and bled themselves dry. Legend has it that with a drop of blood, they could see their lost loved ones. Word traveled and explorers sought out the well to see if it was true. Oh man, this is so bad it's killing me. I've got to skip and sum. The well is magic, okay. Shane's wife and son died within months of each other, so he tried out the well for himself. We flash back to...

One Year Ago. Craphole. Shane's first island expedition. He cuts his hand and lets the blood drip into the well. Although he can hear Caitlyn's voice whispering his name, he can't see her, so he rappels down into the well. Whispers grow louder. The ropes fail Shane and he drops to the bottom. As he lies there in pain, Caitlyn (Camille Guaty) appears and calls him "Atty." I try to ignore that, because this guy should just not be named Atticus, okay? We flash forward to...

Craphole East, Tonight. Shane tells the fellowship that his blood let him see Caitlyn once again. Riffing off one of Shane's earlier, mundane possibilities for the visions, Damon says, "Got it. Don't eat the poisonous flowers." As the gang continues to hike, Shane stops them and sets off a booby trap, that must have been laid by Rousseau. Don't worry, Sawyer. Nobody gets caught in a net.

As soon as Shane tells everyone to stick together, Elena and Jeremy fall behind. It's like the show is trying to make us hate them. Since Jeremy is out of water, Elena offers him hers. When he rolls his eyes at the idea of a magical well, Elena says she kind of gets it. They've all lost people they'd love to see, again. As she starts walking, Jeremy stops to take a drink. Hearing a bow being drawn, he turns toward the sound. We see a man who could be WH except his hands don't seem dipped in white. He takes aim at Jeremy. Elena zoops over to her brother and knocks him to the ground. The man aims again, but before he can fire, he's attacked from behind. Elena and Jeremy run to him. He's on the ground with an axe in his back. Elena: "What the hell just happened?" Jeremy: "Somebody just saved my life." Germ, you've erased my Barry Manilow earworm and replaced it with Elton John. Thank you, Sugar Bear. Commercial.

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Vampire Diaries

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