Vampire Diaries

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Know Thine Enemy

John: Well, Isobel and I were just trying to get Elena to trust us as parents.

Isobel: Right. Snort. As if. I mean, yeah. We've got your back honey, just like always.

Elena: Dear Lord, I know I'm not all that religious...

The Lord: Seriously, my child. You don't call. You don't write. Where's the love?

Elena: I know, and I'm sorry about that, because honestly, if you never do anything else for me, seeing to it that I was adopted away from these two was the best thing ever. Thank you. Amen.

The Lord: You're welcome. Now excuse me, but there's trouble in the Middle East, and the Far East, and the Midwest, and well, all over.

Elena: I hear ya, brother...I mean Father. Thanks again.

Recapper: Should we move on to the civic event o' the week?

Elena: Huh?

Recapper: Whatever that scholarship thing is -- you know, the one in your mother's name. Jenna asked you to take care of it before she swanned off.

Elena: Oh, right. It's off to the Lockwood Mansion we go.

At the Lockwood Mansion...

Mayoral Mama Mulva: And so this week, we're gathering to give a check to the Miranda Gilbert Scholarship fund. Elena?

Elena: Thank you.

Meanwhile, upstairs...

John: Isobel, what are you doing here? Do you still like me? Do ya? Do ya?

Isobel: Well, you're not sinsemilla, but you'll do as a distraction.

John: Goodness, woman. Are you ever not high? What are you talking about?

Isobel: [vamps out] First, I'm going to bite you on the neck and drain your blood, then I'm going to send your corpse tumbling down the staircase.

John: Oh, I can see how that would... THUD.

Audience: [laughs]

Civic Event O' The Week Attendees: GASP!

Mayoral Mama Lockwood and She's The Sheriff: Nothing to see. Move it along. It's only a flesh wound.

Civic Event O' The Week Attendees: We're not as dumb as we look, we just want to get the hell out of here.

Recapper: So noted.

Katherine: Hey Elena, nice dress.

Elena: Why are you wearing the same...

Katherine: [snatches Elena]

Stefan: Is blind.

Isobel: [absconds with Elena]

Katherine-As-Elena: Stefan my honey bunny, I'm just going to call Damon and tell him about Uncle John's sorta-death.

Stefan: Sure thing Sugar Lips. [...] Hey, you're not my Sugar Lips. You're my Venom Lips. Where's Elena?

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Vampire Diaries

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