Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Know Thine Enemy

Katherine: I could tell you, but I'm much rather inject you with Vervain and shove you in the brush and then speed off.

Stefan: Shoulda seen that coming.

Recapper: Aren't you supposed to be more tolerant of Vervain because you've been dosing yourself with it?

Writers: Hey, that was just tiny amounts. This was an injection, right into his bloodstream.

Recapper: All right. I'll give you a pass, but we will be having words about Katherine's out-of-character gullibility in this episode, after I submit this weecap.

Writers: Damn it. Can you be bought off with shirtless Damon.

Recapper: No comment.

Meanwhile, back at Lockwood Mansion...

Damon: Never fear, old Blue Eyes is here.

Mulva and Liz: Damon, John is dead.

Damon: Sadly, he's only a little dead. He's got a protect-o ring. He'll be alive again in another couple of hours.

Recapper: Don't you think it was a little risky of you to bring up his ring? I mean, it's not like yours is subtle.

Damon: Honey, I just do my eye thing and the women are putty in my hands. Watch. Eye Thing.

Recapper: Ahem. I see your point, you Evil Pixie Monster. I need a glass of ice water.

Damon: And I need to hide this body and then go do witch stuff with Bonnie and the Germ.

Recapper: Call me!

Meanwhile, outside the mansion...

Matt: Sheriff Forbes, I demand to see Vicki's file and see what you've been covering up about her death.

Liz: Well I never... and I will prove it by performing some police brutality.

Matt: I don't believe you.

Liz: Crap.

Stephanie from No Ordinary Family: You need to get a move on. You're late.

Recapper: I know. Sorry I'm late. There was this big problem...and I'm late because of it.

John Cusack: SHOUT OUT!

Recapper: Hi, you cute thing.

Stephanie: This is not getting a move on. I'm going to take the reins.

Recapper: But you're not even on this show. The readers will be confused.

Stephanie: Only the ones who didn't watch No Ordinary Family.

Readers: That's all but three of us. And only two of us liked how Cindy did those weecaps.

Recapper: Yeah, Stephanie. Sorry. But thanks for the reality check. I'll speed it up. So anyhow, we forgot to tell you about how, earlier Isobel meets up with Alaric in town. She says she wants to have a heart-to-heart, but he's not so interested. She explains that's because she compelled him to give up on her. He doesn't care. Isobel then takes great pains to apologize to him and tell him she really did love him and she wants him to know that. He's still all whatever, at least until one of Satan Klaus's manwitches comes up behind him, puts the whammy on him and drives him to the ground. Isobel walks away with tears in her eyes. I think we're supposed to think she still retains human feeling for her husband, but you know, all that smoke is bound to make the eyes water from time to time, so who can tell. Now, after the big distraction at the Civic Event o' the Week, Isobel drives off with an unconscious Elena in the back seat of her car. When Katherine gets to Isobel's pad, the BFFs talk on the phone. Isobel's conversation with Katherine is really not all that different from the aforementioned one with Alaric. It becomes clear that Isobel has been under compulsion from Klaus to set up Katherine, John, and Elena. Elena wakes and hears a little of this. Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone, Satan Klaus's manwitch puts the same whammy on Katherine.

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Vampire Diaries

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