Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 1 USERS: A+
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I Done Told You Stefan Was The Scariest Vampire In Town

Once they're alone, Stefan holds Elena close. She apologizes, noting that Damon just makes her cranky. Stefan: "Oh, Elena. He makes everybody cranky." Hee! You forgot dead and/or undead. He then assures Elena that he and Damon will handle everything. Stefan is bound and determined to exclude her from whatever plans he makes though, in order to keep her safe. When Elena points out that she worries about his safety too, he pooh-poohs her concerns, because she has a vagina, but to give him his due, Stefan does it with style. "What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath, on my side." Again, I say hee. Elena rolls her eyes as she sinks back into his arms. "That's comforting." We zoom out to see them locked in a tight embrace -- except they're both sticking out their bums. Do you see that? I wonder if the actors went to parochial school and are trying to leave space for the You Know Who.

Get Your Kill And Fill at the Mystic Grill: Anna and Jeremy continue to flirt for their own benefit -- and exposit for ours. I can't call him Germ all the time, because one of my son's best friends is named Jeremy and I've already slipped up with him. Of course, my son and his non-Jeremy friends thought it was HI-larious, because they're in Middle School and still weaning themselves off "humor" like fart jokes, but I do not make it a habit to pick on Middle School children, particularly nice ones like our decidedly non-germy Jeremy. Which reminds me... once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the very same son had a Joshua in his first grade class. And of course, everyone called him Josh -- everyone but me, who called him "Joss... Josh. Yeah, I mean Josh." What's that? You don't care about my life? You came here to read a recap of the show? Huh. Okay, then. Good thing I don't have a cat. Anna says they can hang for a little, because her mom, Pearl, isn't yet due at the Grill. Germ wants to know if Anna's mother knows she's a vampire. Anna laughs, and points out that the fact that he thinks it's possible for a vampire to live with someone who doesn't know the truth shows how un-ready he is for siring.

Next, they discuss the bracelet Elena gave to Jeremy. Anna likes it, but neither she nor Germ know it's loaded with Vervain, at least until Jeremy tries to give it to her. Anna -- who seems to figure it out -- requests they keep their relationship a secret, especially even from his sister. She then goes on to accuse Jeremy of only liking her because of what he wants from her. Jeremy scoffs. "No, I--I like... you." The stuttered protest is never so convincing as when you're a teen, or trapped in the body of same. Anna -- who may have been born at night, but not last night -- returns the bracelet to its rightful owner. "You should wear it. It looks better on you, anyway."

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Vampire Diaries

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