Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | 3 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
No Secrets, Only Dirty Shame

Stefan brings the vervain-disabled Katherine down to the dungeon and shackles her to a wooden chair. A wooden chair? That wouldn't hold my ten-year-old. She doesn't seem nearly as debilitated as she ought to, so my mind flashes back to how she wasn't vulnerable to Bonnie's vamp-migraines, and I wonder why I'm watching tonight, because it's clear that vervain isn't going to affect her the way it affects the rest of them. Mostly it's clear because of that damned wooden chair. When Stefan and Damon were shackled down in the Mossy Manse dungeon, weren't they attached directly to the walls or to a concrete slab? I'm going to need wine for this, aren't I? Good point. Be right back.

Stefan asks again why Katherine came back. She insists it was for him. Oh my word, stake me. They've been having this conversation since the season premiere. Ooh, he then walks over behind a dirt mound and grabs a sprig of vervain, and scalds her face with it. That's new, plus I like scary-ass Stefan, so hooray! My wine-plan is working. Katherine screams as smoke rises from her cheek. Her flesh turns red, but instantly heals, unlike the mark Caroline got when she put on her vervain-laced necklace, so yep, Katherine's not so vulnerable to vervain. She knows it and I know it, but Stefan is as thick as the concrete to which he should have shackled the bitch. Oh, wait, new scene. Katherine again brings us back to...

The Founders' Ball; 1864: George Lockwood meets Katherine. She catches him off guard by almost immediately informing him that she's a vampire who could kill him in his sleep. George gets uncomfortable and tries to take his leave, but Katherine persists. She knows his secret, too, and that he's extra strong, just not as strong (as she). George asks what she wants. Back in the present, Stefan asks Katherine what George wanted, but she plays mum. Clearly, Katherine wants attention, so Stefan pulls up a chair and sits in front of her.

Gilbert Gables: Elena and Jenna discuss Caroline and Damon attending the Contrivance Cookout. Elena chalks Damon's invite up to Alaric being a softy. Jenna says she'll be nice to Damon, once he learns to keep his paws off Elena. I wonder if they've ever talked about the kiss (which, of course, wasn't Elena at all). Jenna's still so mad about what should have appeared to her as a consensual kiss, that I can't help but wonder if Elena made it sound like Damon forced it on her, or something. It's not long before Mason arrives -- with booze. He and Jenna go way back to their partying days under the MFHS bleachers. Oh Jenna, when you have a Brick House under the bleachers, you do not waste your time on artificial intoxicants. Alaric tells Mason how he's wanted to meet Jenna's old friends and dig up a little Jenna-dirt. Mason assures Alaric he has the dirt, which takes me back to his artfully muddy nekkidness. Mmm. I'm sorry, where was I? Jenna laughs like you do when you're the attention of two gorgeous men, saying, "I have no secrets, only dirty shame." Damon arrives and puts an immediate damper on Jenna's mood, so Alaric invites him to do shots with them. Jenna, not in the mood to play hostess with the mostess, hands Damon her used glass. Mason introduces himself and says he's heard great things about Damon. Damon squints and overplays the eye-thing, but I forgive him when he adds: "That's weird, 'cause I'm a dick." Heh.

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Vampire Diaries

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