Vampire Diaries
No Exit

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: N/A | 218 USERS: C
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open on the exterior of an empty looking home. A forgotten rake lies near an upended barrel of leaves. Bloody mail and newspapers adorn the front steps. Inside, Enzo picks up a photograph of a couple and asks Damon if he thinks "the fellow" loved milking cows.

Damon: Probably. Then she became one. So, he drank himself into oblivion, then she cheated with the... pastor.

Audience: Sheesh, Damon. Wipe the blood off your face. Your looks are the only thing left about you to remind us who you once were. Yes, you're a serial killer, but you were always fastidious.

Enzo: Hey, just because you lost your true love doesn't mean you have to dump on others.

Damon: There's no love in there. Look at that picture. It's old. And the milkmaid's nowhere to be found. It's just pathetic, old Farmer John.

Enzo: Manners. It's impolite to speak ill of our host.

Recapper: If you two continue to quote yourselves verbatim, I'll stake you myself.

Enzo: All right. All right. The point is Damon is cranky, because it's been almost eight hours since he last fed. And yes, since Damon feeds on vampires and I am one, I am timing his meals to make sure I don't end up as one. Damon says I could just leave, but I don't abandon my friends.

Recapper: Subtle.

Farmer John: I gasp back to life and sit up. What did you do to me?

Audience: They're in the process of turning you into a vampire, so Damon can feed. Apparently, there aren't enough bad vampires around, to keep Damon fat and happy.

Recapper: Like there's any semblance of good and bad left to this show.

Audience: We know, right?

Enzo: I shove some bagged blood down the farmer's throat, to complete his transition, then ask him to settle a bet. Where's your wife?

Farmer John: She left me years ago.

Damon: Pastor?

Farmer John: Pharmacist.

Damon: Yes! I will take that as a win.

Recapper: Why should I listen to what you say, when you're not even listening to yourself, Damon?

Enzo: So, anyhow, Damon eats Farmer John 'til his head pops off. I tell him to stop trying to scare me off. I'm his only friend, and I'm not leaving him.

Katherine-As-Elena: Back at Mossy Manse, Stefan's helping me study history, which I lived through. When I take issue with the text's date for the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, I then have to cover what I know about the Peace of Westphalia, because I did a paper on it, in high school.

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Vampire Diaries




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