Enzo takes newly ripperized, vampire-blood craving Damon out for a bite, which entails creating new vampires for Damon to eat. Heaven forbid this storyline should involve Damon going after existing "bad" (I know, I'm foolish to try to bring any sort of morals to the table) vampires, while he's infected with Wes Maxfield's cuckoo juice.
Speaking of the bad doctor, Maxfield and his No Star Traveling Band find Damon at the farm house where he's just had his last meal, and magically lock him and Enzo inside so Damon will feed upon Enzo. Enzo chains Damon to a chair -- like that will hold him -- once the feed is upon him. Damon is down with this step. What he's not down with is Enzo calling Stefan, but that's exactly what he does because he's not going to allow himself to be eaten just to protect Damon's pride. Unfortunately, it's not Stefan who answers the phone. Eventually, Wes lets Enzo leave, but he has to leave with Wes. No, we don't know why, but do we care? Maxfield and his No Star Traveling Band might be critical to the story, but they're just not critical to me.
Katherine-as-Elena and Stefan are on the road, tracking Damon. Katherine secretly disables Stefan's car and gets herself all greasy when he tries to fix it, so that she can convince him to get a hotel room, where they can shower. There are stolen kisses between them, but ultimately Stefan resists "Elena" for Damon's sake. That it takes the entire episode (and a later assist from Caroline) for Stefan to figure out that "Elena" might really be Katherine makes me lose respect for him that I hadn't realized I still retained.
Katherine hides Enzo's call from Stefan at first, until she figures out how to use it to her advantage. Once she decides she can tempt Damon to feed on her to the point where Stefan will have no choice but to stake his own brother, the game is on. Her strategy winds up being her folly. To distract Damon from "Elena's" blood, Stefan slices open his own arm. When Damon turns his attention to his brother, Stefan gives him a broken neck nap. He then brings Damon home, and chains him up in the Mossy Manse dungeon.
In the B plot, Katherine wants Nadia to kill Matt, because Matt knows Katherine is wearing Elena's meatsuit. Instead, Nadia keeps Matt on the road until the vervain is out of his system, and she can compel him into forgetfulness. Caroline and Tyler are uncomfortable as they work together, to figure out what's going on with Matt. By the end of the episode, Tyler and Nadia tussle and Tyler bites her. If she's not going to die, can we ship her off to New Orleans for some Klaus blood? I need the respite. (Sorry, Tippi.)
I'll be back with the recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page, and then come on over to the forum, where we're pretending this is the show we used to love.
We open on the exterior of an empty looking home. A forgotten rake lies near an upended barrel of leaves. Bloody mail and newspapers adorn the front steps. Inside, Enzo picks up a photograph of a couple and asks Damon if he thinks "the fellow" loved milking cows.
Damon: Probably. Then she became one. So, he drank himself into oblivion, then she cheated with the... pastor.
Audience: Sheesh, Damon. Wipe the blood off your face. Your looks are the only thing left about you to remind us who you once were. Yes, you're a serial killer, but you were always fastidious.
Enzo: Hey, just because you lost your true love doesn't mean you have to dump on others.
Damon: There's no love in there. Look at that picture. It's old. And the milkmaid's nowhere to be found. It's just pathetic, old Farmer John.
Enzo: Manners. It's impolite to speak ill of our host.
Recapper: If you two continue to quote yourselves verbatim, I'll stake you myself.
Enzo: All right. All right. The point is Damon is cranky, because it's been almost eight hours since he last fed. And yes, since Damon feeds on vampires and I am one, I am timing his meals to make sure I don't end up as one. Damon says I could just leave, but I don't abandon my friends.
Farmer John: I gasp back to life and sit up. What did you do to me?
Audience: They're in the process of turning you into a vampire, so Damon can feed. Apparently, there aren't enough bad vampires around, to keep Damon fat and happy.
Recapper: Like there's any semblance of good and bad left to this show.
Audience: We know, right?
Enzo: I shove some bagged blood down the farmer's throat, to complete his transition, then ask him to settle a bet. Where's your wife?
Farmer John: She left me years ago.
Farmer John: Pharmacist.
Damon: Yes! I will take that as a win.
Recapper: Why should I listen to what you say, when you're not even listening to yourself, Damon?
Enzo: So, anyhow, Damon eats Farmer John 'til his head pops off. I tell him to stop trying to scare me off. I'm his only friend, and I'm not leaving him.
Katherine-As-Elena: Back at Mossy Manse, Stefan's helping me study history, which I lived through. When I take issue with the text's date for the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, I then have to cover what I know about the Peace of Westphalia, because I did a paper on it, in high school.