Vampire Diaries
Ordinary People

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | 1 USERS: B+
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In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating, as they pine
There dwells Damon and Alaric
And Elena -- all so fine.

Oh my darlings, oh my darlings,
Oh my darlings, all so fine!
These cave etchings are just corny
Would you pour me some more wine?

Caveat Lector: My apologies, for the above, to those readers outside of North America, who may not be familiar with American folk songs. Also, my apologies to those of you who are familiar with "Oh My Darling, Clementine." It's been stuck in my head since last week's episode though, and I am determined to exorcise it by the end of this weecap, even if I must filk it out. So? Tag. You're it.

In A Cavern: Elena follows Alaric into the caves under the old Lockwood ruins. Alaric warns Elena to be careful where she shines her flashlight, "...because bats hate the light." Elena, who has been sleeping with one VAMPIRE for a year, and flirting with a second for nearly as long, stops dead in her tracks. "Wait. What?!" Someone send girlfriend a copy of Allyson Beatrice's book, The Amazing Adventures of Sam the Bat, for Christmas. Okay?

Behind our girl, something whispers her name: "Elena." She jumps, spins around and shines the light to reveal...it's just Damon, so she punches him in the gut. Pity, she's not wearing Alaric's handy dandy stake eject-o bracelet. Don't get me wrong. I don't want Damon dead, but any time any TVD human (who isn't Bill Forbes), injures any TVD vampire (who isn't Caroline Forbes), I get a happy and lose my soul. Then my friend Christy has to hit the 'net and get Lisa, Sarah, Amy, Denise, Jen and, of course, Theresa, to chip in and buy yet another Orb of Thesulah, so they can restoreth my soul. [It's a whole, big sucking thing. --Buffy]

As Alaric watches the shenanigans, his expression morphs into the one you get when that friend who occasionally kills you, starts stalking you, too. "Just ignore him. That's what I do." Hmm. I'd been under the impression the good Ship Bromance had been righted and was back on course. Boo.

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Vampire Diaries

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