Back inside school, Bonnie tells Elena to check out Stefan, who is in the school office, but Elena says, "All I see is back." I know, girl. I'm starting to think he doesn't have a face. I'm half pleased/half disappointed when Bonnie doesn't make the expected, "Baby's got back" quip. That song's before her time, but it's never really gone away, so you can see my conundrum, I'm sure. Wait. Is Stefan sporting Jordache jeans? It's been so long, I can't tell. I pause to get a better look...at the jeans, people. The jeans. Then Buffy whispers in my ear: "Live in the now, okay? He looks like DeBarge." Cough. Don't pay her any mind. He doesn't look like DeBarge, at all. He's wearing a leather jacket with a hoodie underneath. I'm just wondering about those jeans.
Inside the office, the secretary tells Stefan he is missing immunization records and some transcripts. The camera zooms in so we get a good shot of his profile and I can confirm he's got at least half a face. He's still wearing the shades, so I won't testify he has eyes, but I'm guessing he does, because of his crows' feet and forehead lines. There's been some squinting and furrowing so...wait a gosh darned second. Crows' feet? Isn't he supposed to pass for a high school student? Ooh, the shades are coming off. We have an eye! Stefan goes all these aren't the droids you're looking for as he advises the secretary to please look again. He nods at her. "I'm sure everything you need is there." Under his thrall, the secretary agrees, while out in the corridor, Bonnie's still going on about being psychic. Elena laughs at her, but her smile fades as she sees Jeremy head to the men's room. She takes off after him as Bonnie waits with us to see if Stefan has a whole face. Unaware she's in a CW drama and so any and all faces must be beautiful by law, Bonnie wastes her mojo willing Stefan to be hot.
In the men's room, Jeremy's putting Visine in his eyes, when Elena bursts in frightening a redhead who is just exiting a stall. "Pants down, chick." No they weren't, ginger boy, so I don't know what that means, but I do know that Mystic Falls High School is going to have to do a lot of Swine Flu prevention education with these students, because he doesn't even wash his hands. My kids do too wash their hands, even when I'm not around, so shut up. Elena ignores the dirty ginger boy and grabbing Jeremy's face, she inspects his eyes then reams him out for getting high on the first day of school. In one breath she says she's done watching him destroy himself and in the next, she tells him to keep it up all he wants, because she's going to be his buzzkill every time. Duuuuude. She then tries to counsel him to give up the ganja game and be himself, but who cares. This is all just a set-up for Jeremy to storm out a few seconds ahead of Elena, so that she can exit the men's room alone and run smack dab into Stefan, who is enthralling girls left and right (at least Bonnie and Caroline) as he heads towards his fate, i.e. Elena. They do the smack-dab thing and the isn't-that-the-men's-room thing, and the I-can't-get-out-of-my-own-way two-step, before Elena thanks Stefan and takes her leave. Their eyes are the last thing to part. Was that a Meet cute, clunky, or clichéd? You be the judge.