It seems my summarizing abilities are stored in the same section of my brain that gets disabled when I'm flailing about. Are you flailing? I am so flailing. Here, feel my flail.
From the opening cross-cuts between Stefan and Elena's tender love scene and Katherine and Mason's sizzling heat, it's obvious we're in for a treat, but that treat is so not warm chocolate pudding. If you're looking for solace, look elsewhere, because The Vampire Diaries "Plan B" is not only the same as its plan A, it's also the same as Damon's bad, wrong, very bad and wrong impulse: plunge hot pokers into the chest; rip out the heart; throw it across the room. Yeah, my beautiful Evil Pixie Monster huffs and puffs and blows my beautiful Brick House down, and I would be furious, were it not so glorious.
But the fun only begins there. What's that, girl? Stefan's stuck down a well -- a well full of vervain stew? And Elena saves him? Again? Awesome. Then there's Miss Caroline, who not only reconnects to Bonnie, but tends to Liz. Care Bear wins over Mama Bear to the point where Liz promises (and seems sincere) not to out Caroline to the Council, but baby is a smart girl. She knows she has to compel away her mom's memory (and their newfound accord) in order to protect her friends from Liz and Liz from her friends.
The episode seems to be at a full boil, when Katherine calls Elena and lets her know that she and Stefan and their break-up charade haven't fooled her one bit. AND THEN AUNT JENNA PLUNGES A KNIFE INTO HER OWN GUT! Apparently she's been under Kat's compulsion for a bit, and has been a willing, compliant spy. Nothing else big can happen, now. The rest will all be denouement, yeah?
NO! After Jeremy and Elena learn their beloved auntie/crap guardian will live, the drama really amps up. Elena heads to mossy manse to find a tearful, shaken and recovering Stefan futilely trying to warm himself by the fire. He knows what's coming -- why she's there, but Elena needs to say it anyhow. She loves him with all her heart and knows he loves her, but they have to break up. They have to let Katherine win, because she has won -- already. A standing O for Paul Wesley here, because not a lot of guys, no matter how proficient, could have pulled off this level of searing pain with such vulnerability. Can we rest now, Buffy? No, we cannot. As Elena flees Mossy Manse, she's stopped by Damon -- who I'm totally not speaking to at the moment on account of him killing the pretty. But then he drops the Evil Pixie Monster act (and possibly the eye thing,) admits to riling up Katherine and not only accepts the blame for his actions, but actively courts it -- cracking the shell I so hastily erected around my admittedly fickle heart. It's different. He has a soul now. So now we're done, right? Oh no siree, Bob.
Katherine, that evil bitch mistress from hell, doesn't only have a plan A and B. She's got a whole alphabet full, and she's skipping right to Trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pudding Pop. That's right, she's compelling our darling Donovan in the worst of ways, because she needs a werewolf, see, so Matt has his marching orders: go at Tyler Lockwood and at him, and at him, and at him -- until Tyler kills him.
"Plan B" is A+ work from the whole cast and crew. If you haven't seen it yet, drop whatever you're doing and rectify the situation. I'll be back with the full weecap, ASAP, but until then, please join us on the boards where we're sharpening our stakes and etching them with a giant K, which stands for Kill Katherine and ought to rhyme with Get your thrall off my Pudding Pop, you bitch, but admittedly does not.
See why we love the show, then join our vloggers in debating whether Diaries beats True Blood, below.
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I'm still flailing over this episode, which makes me cringe, because it might be my most favorite episode ever, but my brain has checked out. I'm counting on the fact/possibility that you're still flailing, too. You ready? Okay.
The cold open consists of cross-cuts between Stefan and Elena's tender love scene and Katherine and Mason's sizzling heat. While Elena frets that Katherine could discover they're still undercover lovers, Katherine frets that Miss Flowers (her B&B hostess and book tie-in) will think she's a floozy, which she totally is, and I fret that if Stefan and Elena are starting out this snuggly-wuggly, things will likely change by the end of the episode. There have now been so many events in Mystic Falls that even the writers struggle to come up with a new one, so Elena tells Stefan she's got to motor, because she's decorating in preparation for "the Lockwood charity thing." Of course Stefan is, too, because if this isn't event week, it's event prep week, and as soon as you're within the town's borders, you must agree to participate or die. Their talk soon turns to serious as Elena reminds Stefan that Mason Lockwood tried to kill him, which I'm pretty sure he remembers, E. Meanwhile, in Katherine's bed, Mason admits that while he lurves Katherine, he doesn't trust her, so he's hidden the moonstone in a safe space. Back in Elena's room, Stefan notes that he doesn't trust Mason, but there's so much pretty between these
four three actors, it's really hard to concentrate. The overriding point is that Elena and Stefan will keep faking that they're broken up, and Katherine will continue to be a dangerous, if sexy vampire with impeccable taste, which is demonstrated when she sinks her fangs into Mason's neck -- not in a lethal way, just in a bad girl way. Everyone loves each other. Everyone smooches. Everyone envies Nina Dobrev. Title Card.
The Germ arrives at Mossy Manse and tells Damon that Mason is looking for a moonstone, which is connected to the werewolf curse. No, Elena doesn't want him involved; yes, Damon is snarky and resistant, and yes, he lets the Germ in, even though he ought to know better.
Lockwood Mansion: Jenna chats up Mama Mulva about the upcoming Masquerade Ball. We fans fall on our knees in thanksgiving that the writers have come up with yet another event. Meanwhile, Mulva moves off to scold Ty and Matt that they're being too rough with her furniture, and Jenna moves off to invite Stefan to join her, Alaric and the family for dinner. Stefan begs off by claiming that he and Elena are currently on "pause." Jenna smirks at him, and notes that she's a light sleeper, and heard no such pause this morning -- thereby cementing her title as the world's most crap guardian through the 2010-2011 TV season. Stefan blushes, and I'm not sure vampires ought to be able to do that, but I can't blame him.