I've been keeping my husband, Scott, abreast of my attempts to put the et back in my recaplets and the wee back in my weecaps. At the end of "Smells Like Teen Spirit," he just looked at me and laughed. "Good luck with that, hon." Yeah. Thanks, babe. What is with this show? Every fricking episode is like a two-hour season finale crammed into a one hour slot. Feel free to laugh at me as I attempt to give you the "skinny."
Let's start with the ghost of one Miss Vicki Donovan. Since Matt "died" last week, she can now appear to him willy nilly and does. She manipulates him into performing a spell that will help anchor her to this world. He does and it works. She's somewhat corporeal now, although it's not clear anyone can see her, other than Matt (and Jeremy, who pretends not to). But he can not only see her, he can touch her and can feel it when she touches him. He can also feel it when she knocks him out with a monkey wrench, which she totally does.
Vicki made a deal with the Original Witch on the other side of the Great Divide. If Vicki could get Matt to pull her back with a spell, the Original Witch would give her a helpful push, provided Vicki would do her bidding in the land of the living. And the Original Witch? It seems she bid Vicki to kill Elena Gilbert, so that Klaus could no longer use her as his hybrid wet nurse, and thus the natural order of things would be restored. When Matt finally comes to, he runs to Bonnie, who is on the outs with the Germ, because of his little visits with Vicki and Anna. Matt and Bonnie set about to break Vicki's spell, and Matty's heart, and send Vicki back where she belongs.
Elena, Alaric and Damon have a plan to dose Stefan with vervain and hold him captive in ye olde Torture Emporium, until they can get Mikael the Vampire Vampire Slayer (MtVVS) to kill Klaus, which will free Stefan from his compulsion. Elena gets Stefan alone, and she takes a tipsy tumble off the top of the bleachers. Stefan, compelled by Klaus to protect Elena, Stealth-Salvatores to her rescue, and in that moment Alaric shoots him with vervain darts. They shove the unconscious Stefan in the back of Alaric's SUV. Elena gets in car. Alaric starts gathering his weapons, or possibly picking his belly button, and Vicki sets the whole gasoline doused car afire, with a lit cigarette, no less. Elena can't get out. I guess the Original Witch has enchanted the locks. Alaric tries to break a window, but he can't. As the car burns and fills with smoke, Elena rouses Stefan, who, even in his weakened state, is able to kick off the rear door of the SUV. Once Elena gets to safety, she insists that she and Alaric pull Stefan out, as well. Once they get him home, he's as much of a prick as he's been the entire episode (and he's been a giant one). When Stefan tells Elena she's pathetic, she counters that she's strong, and stakes him in the gut, courtesy of the training she's been getting from Alaric (and Damon).
As Alaric's car is burning, Matt and Bonnie complete their Vicki exorcism. She is mystically dragged from the scene of the crime back to the classroom where they're working their mojo. It's now only Matt is holding her here. Poor Pudding Pop has to let her go to banish her entirely, and watching him do so breaks my heart.
Vicki may be gone, for now at least, but whatever Ju-Ju Matt did also somehow makes Anna corporeal. She and Jeremy waste no time touching each other and boy is Bonnie going to be pissed. I can't spend too much time thinking about that though, because...
The spell somehow brought dead werewolf Uncle Mason Lockwood back, too. That's right. Brickhouse is back in all his glory and his first order of business is kicking Damon's ass. Poor Damon, just when he's trying to be good, someone as pretty as he shows up with a grudge.
Meanwhile, Tyler is acting like his old pre-werewolf, dick-self. Caroline finally calls him on it and explains he's been "sired" -- which in this mythology means he's his vampyric sire's willing slave. That's bad news, since Satan Klaus is said sire. Tyler promises Caroline he'll straighten up and fly right, as he hated his old self. Things seem well until Caroline leaves him for the night and Rebekah shows up with a pretty young thing for Tyler to feed on. He can't resist her pre-wounded neck, so it's not long before he's drinking deep.
Meanwhile, Katherine is still in MtVVS's crypt, trying to wake him with all different kinds of blood (mouse, human, you name it). The human blood does the trick, at least a little. But MtVVS is pissed, because he never drinks the blood of the living. You know what blood he favors? Vampire blood! He grabs hold of Kiki and plunges his fangs into her slender neck.
Yeah. That's about 1,000 words and yet there's so much more to tell. I'm going to get to telling it and will be back with the weecap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where I'm hoping Buffy will show up and put some grrr in our girl, Elena.
Every time I think about Elena, I hear Angelus say, "To kill this girl, you have to love her. The Vampire Diaries isn't Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Elena Gilbert is not Buffy Summers, but I suspect those of you who watched BtVS see the connection forming in my mind (and please pardon the mess in there). For the sake of those who didn't watch BtVS, I'll keep this comparison brief. Elena may not have supernatural physical strength, but she loves with all her soul. "It's brighter than the fire." And? I've just deleted a four page rambling rant, because I realized I just told you I'd keep it brief, and besides -- I wasn't feeling the Elena and Buffy comparison. I kept trying to force a metaphor between those characters, when what I was really thinking about was The Vampire Diaries and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandoms. Why? Well, the tenor of discussions I've been reading around the 'net grows ever more vitriolic. I'm too old for this. I always have been (although admittedly that didn't stop me when I was up to my neck in various shows). I'm just going to take a step up onto a very low soap box, gently murmur a little thing (three paragraphs, tops), hop right off, and get to the recap.
I learned something long ago and far away. If you are hooked on a show, but you find yourself hating real, live people (like, oh say, the writers) because they're not writing their characters the way you think they should, you have some rational options. The easiest? Stop watching, and the pain will go away. Selfishly speaking, I don't want you to stop watching, and not just because my readership will disappear. I don't want you to stop watching, because if you do, my show will disappear. I love this wild ride. I don't love it blindly, but love it I do.
If you don't want to stop watching, but find you're furious all the time, perhaps a little self-inventory is in order. Do you spoil yourself for upcoming episodes? I ask, because to a person, the angriest fans I've ever known -- in any fandom -- were those who read spoilers. Wait, the angriest fans I've ever known were those 'shippers who read spoilers. There's a significant crossover between spoiler-seekers and 'shippers. And I get that. I have lived it. A pairing captures your imagination and you get invested in them. The writers want that. The actors want that. On its face, investment in a fictional character or romance is a good thing. But when it gets to the point that you're angry all the time, wishing ill on non-fictional humans, and hating anyone who likes story elements you dislike, we're no longer talking investment. We're talking over-investment.