Vampire Diaries
Smells Like Teen Spirit

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | 1 USERS: A+
Come On, Buffy

Okay, I don't know where the hell this bonfire is. I just want to clear that up right now. It seems to me that the first party we had in the pilot episode, was not school adjacent. It was at the Falls, right? Well, this setting sort of looks like that, but then it also sort of looks like it's probably on wooded school grounds. The kids walk by a Mystic Falls School District school bus on their way to get tanked and light a fire in the middle of the frakking woods, so here's what I'm pretending.... The actual bonfire is somewhere safe on school grounds -- and there are adults present, maybe even some representatives of the Fire Department, and everything is above board. Then, I'm also pretending that there's a lame-ass little camp fire in the woods -- and that's where the keg and drunken students are, because otherwise... WHAT? How does the frickin' Spirit Squad get to host and advertise a keg party at which drunken minors play with fire? It makes the show too dumb to live, and Mommy's adding a new series this week (Once Upon A Time, check it out) and has already written about 5,500 words on this here show, when she has slightly more than a half hour left to cover.

So, while many MFHS students gather with their flames and their red Solo cups full of intoxicating goodness, and they're necking and doing keg stands and what not, Elena, Damon, Alaric and Caroline are meeting in Alaric's classroom. Elena will lure Stefan away from the bonfire and once he's distracted, Alaric will shoot him. Damon asks if Bonnie can't just ju-ju him. Elena is trying to keep Bonnie out of this because she's afraid Stefan will hurt her. Wait. Bonnie can give him a mystical migraine, right? I'd be much more afraid Stefan would hurt Alaric, because while Alaric has the protect-o ring, it's not like Stefan can't pull it off and then kill him. Whatever. Caroline will make sure the old Forbes' jail cell a.k.a. the Torture Emporium is ready for Stefan. Damon's job is to keep Rebekah out of the way. He asks, "How? She's an Original. Last time I checked, we're out of daggers." Elena tells him to use his charm. Alaric deadpans: "Might have better luck finding the dagger." Hee! Damon: "Are you never not going to be mad at me, Ric?" Alaric: "Doubtful." Aw, poor Damon. (He totally deserves it.)

Tyler joins the gang and apologizes for being late. When he learns his job is to get his mother's vervain stash so that they can keep Stefan down for a while, Tyler says they can't do that to Stefan. Elena says it is ultimately in Stefan's best interest. Tyler tilts his head. "But it's not in Klaus's best interest." Caroline reminds Ty that Klaus is the bad guy and asks why he's acting like a "freaky hybrid slave minion." That's probably because that's what he is, Care Bear. As Tyler blathers about how Klaus made him what he is and how much he owes Klaus, Damon sidles up to Alaric's desk and grabs a vervain dart or the like. When Tyler turns his back to leave the uncomfortable situation, Damon Stealth-Salvatores up behind him and plunges the dart into his back.

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Vampire Diaries




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