Vampire Diaries
Smells Like Teen Spirit

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | 1 USERS: A+
Come On, Buffy

MFHS Corridor: As Elena arrives at her locker, her phone rings. It's Damon. "So... you might not want to come here for a while. We have a new housemate -- Barbie Klaus." Oh look, Damon. You dubbed Caroline Vampire Barbie, a nickname I've used ever so cheerfully, but they can't all be Barbie X or X Barbie. It's cheap and derivative. He ignores me and tells Elena that Klaus ditched Rebekah, "After I name-dropped Mikael." Elena asks what Stefan is up to. "Oh, you know Stefan. Journaling. Reading. Shaping his hair." Heh. Elena knows he's blowing smoke up her arse. Damon doesn't want to have this conversation with her, so he says, "Oh was that the bell? Ding ding. Don't want to be late," and hangs up.

Elena notices Caroline putting up posters announcing the Spirit Squad's annual Bonfire. Elena forgot about it. Caroline insists she has to go. "It's our first Spirit Squad event and it sets the tone for the whole year." Elena tells her to relax. She'll be there. They're interrupted when Tyler walks over and lays a wet one on Caroline. As Elena is averting her eyes, she notices a spot on Ty's shirt. "Is that blood?" Caroline and Elena hustle him into the boys' bathroom, where Caroline lectures: "Vampire 101 -- don't wear your breakfast to school." Tyler: "Chill out. It was just a blood bag. [...] Rebekah hooked me up." Caroline is rightfully all, "Rebekah?! And what are you even talking to her for?" Tyler: "Klaus told her to keep a watch on me -- protect his new asset." Tyler crows about being the first successful hybrid. "Don't you think that's the tiniest bit awesome?" In the background, Elena looks like she's been punched in the gut. In the foreground, Caroline is all, "OH WOW. I cannot believe you just said that." As though she's fighting back the urge to hurl, Elena excuses herself. Forget the Stefan-of-it-all, for a minute. Do either Tyler or Caroline remember that Jenna was killed during the ritual that freed Klaus's werewolf side, thus enabling him to create hybrids? Hell, Elena herself was killed. She is only back because her Uncle Daddy sacrificed his life for hers.

It doesn't matter. Elena is out in the hallway, heading for another round of emotional sucker punches, as Stefan deliberately bumps into her. He's there to "protect" her for all values of "protect" that equal "harass." When she tries to walk away, Stefan grabs her. He won't let go, even when she insists. Alaric sees what's happening and approaches. "Let her go." Stefan complies, but then he shoves Alaric up against the lockers. His hand is near Alaric's throat, but he doesn't truly throttle him. Can this be The Vampire Diaries without the trademark throttle? Elena tries to get Stefan to let go of Alaric and stop making a scene. Stefan warns Alaric: "You're not going to want to...get in my way. You hear me?" He pats Alaric on the arm and lets him go. As he walks off down the hall, Stefan says, "I will see you both in history." Why don't they stake him? Okay, I know, because there would be no show. But that's another level on which this Ripper storyline is problematic. If Stefan is full-blown, the Fellowship of the Falls should be trying to kill him. If he's not (and he's arguably not) then what was all that humanity switch-flicking last week? Is he faking everyone out, even the Fellowship, so that he can truly protect Elena? If so, does he have to be quite so cruel to be kind?

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Vampire Diaries




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