Audience: The only thing more inconsistent than this season's use of the sire bond is the range of vamponic hearing.
Caroline: The sire bond is icky, as you and I have been ranting all season, so yes, I am fully on board with asking the guy who compelled me into being his chew toy to wield it on the girl who is my best friend and your ex-lover.
Elena: I'm not in denial. I know Germ got supernaturlized, but his tattoo is gone. It's possible he's just plain old natural, now.
Audience: We'd best examine Jeremy's bod one last time. Take off his shirt. Wait. Did we say that? I guess we did, but is it icky?
Recapper: Well, it's a little necrophilic, so that's a big YEAH!
Audience: We hear you, but beg to differ. We mean... it's not like McQueen is dead.
Recapper: Let's just not.
Audience: All right. Damn it.
Caroline: Excuse me, I'm trying to talk to my best friend, instead of behind her back with her ex. Now, Elena...
Elena: Look, it's hope, all right? I'm holding onto that hope for at least another 40-45 minutes of air time, before I spiral down into the depths of despair. It's in the script, Caroline. I am not in denial. I am not. I am not. I am not!
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Gilbert Gables. Porch. Caroline leaves a voice mail for Tyler, begging him to call her so she can tell him what has happened. When Stefan comes out, Caroline tells him about Tyler being on the run from Klaus. Stefan reminds her that our girl Kiki has managed to be on the run from Klaus for 500 years. Remember before we met Klaus, how we were sold this bag of goods about him living in secret and having eyes and ears everywhere? I miss those days. Anyhow, Stefan must have been reading the boards, because he's puzzled out that Katherine has probably grabbed the cure to bargain for her freedom.
Caroline can't believe that after 15 episodes of Season Bore, the cure is just gone. Stefan admits that he imagined Elena wouldn't forever remain a vampire, but now that she has no family... Caroline puts on her Miss Mystic Falls organizing cap and starts talking lists, a funeral and cover story. She'll get Matt over to Gilbert Gables to hang with Elena, and then enlist her mother's help in the details, and she'll make a casserole too, because our Vampire Barbie was dragged up right, and that's what you do when people die. Heading off, she stops and turns back to Stefan. "What's that smell?" Do vampires pass gas? That would be gross. Stefan denies it and blames the odor on Jeremy's fetid corpse, but we know the truth, Stefan. Talk about denial. He ignores me and tells Caroline to have Liz dispatch Dr. Meredith Fell to Gilbert Gables. We cut to...