Meanwhile, back at Mossy Manse, Damon trashes the bedroom. But it's not his sparse, lovely, understated room he trashes. It's Stefan's cluttered pack-rat room, which cracks both me and my daughter up, for reasons you surely get even though I can't quite explain.

Tulley, Southern Comfort Bar, Exterior: Stefan stumbles out in the parking lot. He can barely hold himself together. He slides his cell phone out of his pocket and stares at it.

Gilbert Gables. Elena finds a giant birthday card on her bed from Jeremy. She puts it on her dresser next to her phone and walks off to hang up her hoodie. The phone starts ringing and the Caller I.D. reads: "Caller Unknown." We cut to Stefan on the other end, waiting for Elena to pick up. She finally returns and does just that. Her, "Hello," is met with silence. She waits a moment and then says, "Stefan?" When he doesn't answer, Elena continues to talk. "Stefan, if this is you, you'll be okay." The closed captioning then reports that she also says, "You can survive this. Whatever you do, just hold on." Those words aren't spoken on air, though. Instead Elena just says, "I love you, Stefan. Hold onto that. Never let that go." On the other end of the line, Stefan nods and struggles not to cry, but he still says nothing as we fade to black. Poor noodle.

Lockwood Mansion: After sex, Tyler is sound asleep, so Caroline slips back into her clothes and sneaks downstairs where she runs into Carol Lockwood, who is all, "Leaving so soon?" Caroline thinks this is just an embarrassing, awkward moment, but oh, no! It's so much more. Carol has doused Caroline's purse with vervain, so when Caroline picks it up on her way out, her hand starts to smoke. This is all the proof Carol needs. She shoots Caroline in the back with several vervain darts and our Vampire Barbie is down for the count. Thud. Title card.

Here's a little present for you all, courtesy of editors/goddesses Angel Cohn and Rachel Stein. Enjoy!

I'll be back Friday morning with the recaplet of "The Hybrid." In the meantime, please grade the episode up top and join us in the forum, where the only chaperone is Alaric, so bottoms up!