Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The Night Of the First Kiss
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Resident vampire/diarist Stefan Salvatore leaps out of his century of secrecy and into Teen Town U.S.A. He says he has no choice. "I have to know her." "Her" = Elena, and yeah, I'm thinking he means that in the biblical sense, too. Elena and Stefan finally meet. She tells him about the car accident that took her parents. He tells her he lives with his uncle, and when she asks if he has siblings, he says, "None that I talk to." Cut to a nummy Damon Salvatore: "Hello, brother." Damon calls Stefan out on the fact that Elena looks just like Stefan's long lost love Katherine (circa 1864). Elena and her brother Jeremy walk through the woods and stumble upon Jeremy's crush, Vicki. She's sporting a hella neck wound and is unconscious after a brief moment of screaming. Later, at the hospital, Vicki tells her brother Matt (Elena's long-pining ex) that the something that bit her was a vampire! Meanwhile Damon taunts Stefan about his desire to live at peace with humans, rather than accepting them as the happy-meals-with-legs they so clearly are. They slap and tickle their way into a full-blown fight which climaxes in simultaneous defenestration. When Stefan warns Damon to stay away from Elena, Damon says, "I take that as an invitation," which, when given to a vamp, never ends well.

NOW. Exterior, night: the camera and a heavy ground fog close in on a tent pitched in the thick of the woods. Inside, a young couple kisses until the woman (natch) hears something. Fog doesn't make noise, so she thinks it's thunder. The woman notes that if it rains, they're not going to be able to see the comet. Hate to break it to you sweets, because it appears your breasts are real and I appreciate that in a female TV character, but you're not going to be able to see any comet from inside a tent pitched under all those trees, anyhow. Does no one in uh...the biz go out in the real world and see how things work? It's like those Christmas specials where the family buys the perfect Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and decorates it without any tension; or the characters who don't know the difference between a wake, a funeral, and a memorial service; or between a half-brother and a step-brother. Anyhow, the man has to get something back in the car. Probably not his half-brother, and probably not a Christmas tree, but who knows, since you'd think he would have had the foresight to slide his box of condoms into his sleeping bag or backpack. After he's gone, the woman hears what sounds like rain drops. She can only hear them because she doesn't have to listen to the background music, which is nearly drowning out her voice. She and her I-told-you-so step outside the tent, but Mr. Lover Boy is not in sight and neither is a single drop of water. Still, she hears something and turns to find blood dripping atop their tent. Training her flashlight on the tree above, she sees the mauled body of her lover. She runs screaming to the car, but it's locked. She tries to force it open, but stops dead when she hears the little chirp of the security system. Turning her back to the car, the woman looks towards the woods to figure out who has the keys. A vampire drops down on her and brings her to the ground behind the car. TITLE CARD!

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Vampire Diaries

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