It's here, dears. It's finally here. The day for which we've yearned and prayed has at long last arrived. It's time to plant a "For Sale" sign outside Klaus Haus. I know in my heart, this fandom could raise enough money to pay for the swanky sort of moving service -- you know, where the moving company not only picks up, hauls, and delivers your belongings, but packs and unpacks them, as well. I doubt Kickstarter would accept us though, so I'll just get on with covering "The Originals."
Well, I'll get on with it in a moment. First, I want to mention what I best love about spinning the Mikaelssons off onto their own show. Simply put: everybody wins. The cast members don't lose jobs; they get new jobs in which they anchor a new series. More writers and crew members will be hired. Williamson and Plec will get new, fancy feathers in their caps. Those fans who are sick to death of The Originals overwhelming The Vampire Diaries, get their (our) show back. Those fans who can't get enough of the Mikaelssons, get a new show, featuring characters they (we) love. Y'all know I both love The Originals and loathe how they've co-opted The Vampire Diaries. If the CW picks up this show (please, please, please, please), they get a second series -- one which has blossomed out of one of their more popular offerings. Heck, it will even bring more readers and forum members to TWoP. This is like a win win win win win win win win situation.
Now, onto the episode of The Vampire Diaries, entitled, "The Originals." This is more a review than recaplet. Here's why: I hate pilot episodes. Well, no. I hate covering them, particularly in recaplet form. I usually hate covering them, because they have to do so much heavy lifting -- in terms of establishing characters, backstory, premise, etc. Since this is a "backdoor" pilot, we're spared some of that exposition. Because most of the characters on our screen are new, however, the lack of exposition isn't always a good thing.
Thanks to last week's tip from Katherine, Klaus heads off to the Big Easy, to figure out why witch Jane-Anne Devereaux (Malaya Rivera Drew) has him in her sights. Before he gets there, we see Jane-Anne with a familiar face -- Hayley, the werewolf (Phoebe Tonkin). Jane (I can't keep typing Jane-Anne, because it pisses me off) gives Hayley a map and tells her where she might find biological relatives. In actuality, Jane is setting up Hayley. Jane's sister Sophie (Daniella Pineda) is none too pleased about it, but cooperates nonetheless. One thing is clear, while Jane is saying goodbye to Hayley, she manages to snag a few strands of her hair, undoubtedly for some dark purpose.
Alone a night on a swampy road, Hayley's car overheats, but that's only because Jane is in a cemetery, casting what looks to be a major spell. When Hayley tries to call a tow truck, Jane's spell interrupts the call. Next, it knocks out Hayley. Sophie and her gang/coven are there to find/catch/capture/kidnap the girl.
Once Klaus arrives in New Orleans, he finds a witch and asks about Jane, but she won't cooperate, because all of the local witches are subservient to a vampire named Marcel (Charles Michael Davis). Marcel is an old protégé of Klaus, and is chief vamp in charge. He even controls the witches -- a plot point which is understandably not resolved. It's frustrating, though, that it's not even explained. At any rate, Marcel agrees to introduce Klaus to Jane. And I guess he sort of does, but he then immediately kills her. Farewell, Jane-Anne. Don't let the door hit you in the Can-Can.
The rest of the episode revolves around Klaus's choices and the blessed Elijah's intervention. Elijah knows Klaus excels at screwing up his own life, so he decamps to New Orleans to get a bead on the new intrigue. He discovers Hayley is pregnant with Klaus's child. No, you're right. Vampires are not fertile. Werewolves, however, are. Klaus might have been turned into a vampire, but he was born a werewolf, so I guess he's not shooting blanks and we just need to accept that.
The local witches are more or less holding Hayley and her unborn sprog hostage, unless and until Klaus takes out Marcel. Klaus is disinclined to care about any of it. Elijah offers to handle the situation immediately, but the witches claim they have a process and timeline for taking out Marcel (and one which we never learn, so it feels even more contrived than it sounds). This contrivance, and Marcel's inexplicable power over the witches weakens "The Originals" as a stand-alone episode. More interesting to me is the Caroline doppelgänger (not literally), Camille (Leah Pipes) -- a human who captures Klaus's eye and his interest.
In the end, Klaus manages to intimidate Marcel and his minions, and Elijah manages to convince Klaus to welcome the news that he'll be a father. Back home in Mystic Falls, Elijah tries to persuade Rebekah into abandoning both Mystic Falls and her quest for the cure and subsequent proms. With Klaus's little spawn on the way, she can have a baby in her life, and they can have another chance at functioning as a real family. Katherine wants Elijah to leave his family and come with her. He can no more stop believing redemption is possible with Klaus, than he can where she is concerned. In the end, Elijah gives Katherine a tender kiss on the forehead and tells her goodbye. It's too bad there aren't two Nina Dobrevs, because it would be fun to watch Katherine and Elijah on a new show.
Meanwhile, the Salvatores still have Elena locked in the dungeon. She's slowly desiccating. By episode's end, Damon feeds her a bag of vervain-laced blood. Elena knows he's trying to make her feel through misery, but claims she won't break. If torture isn't outright mentioned, it is strongly implied. Stefan appears at the cell door, enters, and closes the three of them in. (When that door closed, did any of you think of Angel locking the lawyers in the wine cellar with Darla and Drew?)
I'll be back with the full recap, ASAP. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then come on over to the forum, where the gumbo sticks to your ribs.
Housekeeping: a tip of the hat to the kind reader who tweeted me about the unpardonable sin I committed in the recaplet. I typed "Drew" when I meant "Dru," which actually has nothing to do with the episode, except that I made a reference to a scene in Joss Whedon's Angel. I know better, and I'm so sorry. When I'm writing, my brain tends to run ahead and sometimes auto-pilot typing fails. Still. I can't believe I typed "Drew" for "Dru." Grr argh. Let's leave the ugly past behind us, and travel to a brand new, beautiful future where The Vampire Diaries is no longer an overstuffed, yet possibly undercooked turducken. A future where the turkeys have a dedicated plate in Mystic Falls, our Original ducks share a spacious platter in New Orleans, and that rubber chicken of a sire bond is running around with its head cut off, far far from all of us -- maybe on that impossible island off the Nova Scotia coast. Are you ready? Okay.
Previously on The Vampire Diaries, Elena cried. A lot. The Salvatore solution was to shut off her humanity. Then of course, they had to deal with a humanity-free Elena, so they drugged her and locked her up. No wonder she can't choose between these charmers. In other news, Elijah remained ridiculously appealing. Katherine left Klaus a letter warning him that a witch in New Orleans, named Jane-Anne Devereaux, is plotting a move against him.
Currently on The Vampire Diaries we open in the dungeon of Mossy Manse, where Elena is starving. Upstairs in their lavish parlor, her tormentors, oh, wait, I mean would-be suitors, blah a lot of blah ditty doo about how hungry she'll have to be to break and flick her humanity switch in the more desirable direction.
Thank goodness Katherine arrives, and gets the Salvatores off their seemingly endless conversation on how best to control their holy grail... er... girlfriend. They're a bit surprised she's so bold as to appear in Mystic Falls, since Klaus has been trying to kill her for the past several centuries. Katherine is pleased to announce that werewolf Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin) proved the secret getting Klaus out of their lives -- for good.
Sidebar: While I can believe the Salvatores would think Klaus is still dwelling on Katherine, I can't believe Katherine is still worried about it. Dear Future Petrova Doppelgängers: If an Original Hybrid doesn't manage to kill you within the first century after you've pissed him off, (by ensuring you weren't used as some sacrifice in his self-serving ritual) and if that same Original Hybrid (and there's only one, so far as we know) eventually finds another Petrova Doppelgänger, but fails to kill her too, and then discovers he instead needs her to be a wet nurse for his baby hybrids, and if that wet nurse can't even serve as a wet nurse anymore, in part, because the Original Hybrid drained her of her blood, so the local lady doc healed her with vampire blood, and then the Original Hybrid's sister killed the Petrova Doppelgänger, thus ensuring she too would become a vampire, I think it's safe to assume that while the Original Hybrid may still hate you for having gotten one up on him, and probably for being you, your murder probably isn't high up on his to-do list, so chill. And now, without further ado, we travel to...