Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A- | 1 USERS: A
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Doppelganger Hijinks Ensue

Anyhow, when Actual-Elena arrives at Gilbert Gables, she finds Uncle Snark Daddy bleeding out on the kitchen floor. As Elena calls 9-1-1, Katherine zips around the house at vamp-speed (we call this the Stealth Salvatore), allowing only John to see her. Elena, aware that evil is afoot (and afinger), picks up the bloody knife that Katherine used on John and goes to investigate. When Katherine finally Stealth Salvatores right out the door, Elena realizes John's attacker is a vampire. She screams out her brother Jeremy's name as she rushes upstairs to find him lying lifeless in bed. She shakes him and pleads with him to wake up until he finally does -- with a big GASP and a new little title card.

Theme Song!

As EMTs wheel John out on a stretcher, Stefan arrives at Gilbert Gables. A deputy lets him in without questioning him, just because Elena says he's okay. See babies, in TV Land, just like in real life, boyfriends never ever commit violence against their girlfriends and families. EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY DO. I mean, you and I know Stefan is innocent, and Elena knows in a gut-way that he is, but the cops? Stefan is the first guy they'd have down the station for a little talk. AMIRITE? Well not here, so put that out of your mind. Stefan follows Elena up to Jeremy's room, where he examines the lad and determines he's not a vampire, even though last season we learned that the vampires in this 'verse cannot sense other vampires. Okay, one might argue that maybe they can sense humans, but that only works until you take it a step further. If these vamps can sense humans, shouldn't they be able to sense vampires by process of elimination? I greatly appreciate that these vampires aren't as powerful as say Twilight vampires. Cripes, you have to rip up those buggers, burn all the pieces, and do the Hokey Pokey around their ashes backwards, before they even think about dying. But there are some features that ought to come standard on the vamp model, if you ask me -- which granted -- you didn't, and species differentiation should be one of them.

Anyhow, Stefan exposits that since Germ didn't gobble down enough pain killers to actually end his life, Anna's blood healed him of the overdose. Jeremy's disappointment in his persistent humanity horrifies Elena and angers Stefan. After the Germ reveals that Anna is dead, Stefan roughs him up a little (including a keen little face slap), but only in order to point out that Anna's blood is leaving his system with every passing moment. If he tries to turn himself again, he may just die, instead. When Elena must depart for the hospital, Stefan offers to remain at Gilbert Gables with the Germ, who comes over all indignant: "I don't need a babysitter." Wah. Elena raises her eyebrows at her suicidal/vamp-wannabe sibling. "Yes. You do." So say we all.

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Vampire Diaries

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