Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 2 USERS: A-
Full-Grown Alpha Male Douche Bag
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: your faithful recapper promised her tween daughter that for said daughter's birthday, she would take said daughter and friends to see New Moon, and then out for ice cream and then, said recapper would host a slumber party for them. And being a woman of her word, your faithful recapper did all these things, and then nearly died, because 11 year olds have no problem staying up until 2:00 AM, provided they've loaded up on sugar, whereas faithful recappers [who may possibly be age (11 times 3) and then some], are not nearly so energetic. So, since we're staring down a terribly long-ass hiatus, you'll have plenty of time to find out what happened previously, on The Vampire Diaries. The CW is even running a "marathon" of the first ten episodes during the week of December 14, 2009 (two episodes per night -- Monday through Friday). Be there, or be previously...less.

Now: We pick up where we left off at the end off "History Repeating." It's nighttime and Logan "Scum" Fell is at the Gilbert Gables door, trying to wheedle an invite inside, from Jenna. She's still pissed that he rekindled their romance and then took off, with no notice except an email. He's surprised that there was an e-mail, but hides it well enough through his repeated requests for an invitation and his degrading summary of her character. "C'mon Jenna. It's me. I know you. You were always one step from a maybe -- a tiny nudge to yes." Aunt Jenna ain't having that, yo, and closes the door in his face. Hurrah! Out on the sidewalk, Scum eyes the older gentleman next door who's taking his trash the curb. Drusilla says: "I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth." And Scum must have boned up on his Buffy (not like that, although given Buffy's...never mind) because in his crazy baby-vamp persona, Scum really takes on an air of Spike. After he greets the gentleman, he decides since he's got no floss handy, he'll let him continue back inside his safe-as-houses home, unmolested. There's more Spike-ishness as Logan inhales deeply, and his vamp sniffer picks up the scent of a succulent niblet who is jogging around the corner. Did you see James Marsters written all over Scum's physicality, in this scene? Niblet stops, because she's a big fan of Scum's newscast; she's missed him while he's been off the air. She introduces herself as Daphne; they shake hands and then Scum vamps out -- right there on the sidewalk. Right in front of Gilbert Gables. We fade to black just about the time Daphne is blacking out from blood loss, and...Title card.

Theme Song!

Morning at Gilbert Gables: Jeremy narrates that he lives in fear. But don't worry, he hasn't caught the DIARY-Ahhhh, too. He's reading the journal of his ancestor, Jonathan Gilbert, who, back in the 1860s, was waxing terrified about his all-consuming fear of the night -- and the death it brings. Except for the wussy bits, the journal is very John Winchester-esque -- filled not only with text, but also drawings of things that go bump in the night, and pentagrams, etc. When he turns the page, Germ finds a loose sketch of a scary looking guy who may have something carved on his face, or might be in the process of turning into a werewolf, or maybe he's just fugly. It's hard to tell. The important thing, you see, is that it prompts Jeremy to make a Hey-wait-a-minute face and drag out his own sketch book. He smiles (!!!) as he leafs through the pages, grabs a piece of charcoal, and gets to work on a new sketch. His bedroom door is ajar, which gives Elena the opportunity to notice what he's doing. She smiles the smugly-pleased-smile any sister might smile AFTER LETTING HER BABY BROTHER GET MIND-WIPED BY A MONSTER, and then closes his door, which seems sort of not her place. If you open my door, and find I'm busy and then shut it -- we're good (although knocking would be nice). However, if I'm happily doodling away in my own room, and I left the door ajar, leave it fricking ajar, m'kay? I'm so glad I'm an only child, but that's neither here nor there.

Elena tells Jenna the big damn news that Jeremy is back to (the) drawing (board). They decide they'll pretend not to notice, so that he doesn't stop in a fit of pique. They also talk a little about Stefan, but Elena cuts the discussion short, saying she stopped asking questions because the answers were too scary. Jenna, the world's most crap guardian, doesn't pick up on that. At all. Instead the conversation turns to her surprise visit from Scum. Elena lays down the law. Jenna must stay so far away from Scum that she doesn't even watch the news. Jenna, who doesn't get enough storyline in my opinion, does get to toss out some foreshadowing, though: "No more Scum Fell." Join me as I chant: "So mote it be."

Mossy Manse: Stefan wants to know when Damon's getting out of Dodge and where he's going. Damon mentions London and catching up with old friends, so Stefan snarks that he has no friends. Damon's fine with that. He wants to travel with Stefan -- he even kids him about trying out for The Amazing Race, together. And you know what? As far as I'm concerned, you've got yourself a deal, Damon. If the Brothers Salvatore (or their portrayers) ever actually go on TAR, or Survivor, or, heaven forefend -- The Bachelor, I will tune in. 'Til then, my idiot box will automatically turn to scripted over unscripted, and fantasy over "reality" -- because that's the way I'm programmed (and so is my TiVo -- ooh, except for Say 'Yes' to the Dress, because that shit is AWEsome). But no, Stefan pisses all over Damon's big plans. He's thinking they should vacation separately and permanently. Damon's feelings are saved by the doorbell. It's Sheriff Forbes, who is there for some double super seekrit vampire hunting talk with Damon, since he's the only "person" she knows who has ever successfully taken down a vampire. He invites her in, but takes her out to the patio, explaining that he'd like to keep the town's horrible truth from Stefan. She's-the-Sheriff agrees. "The kids are too young to be brought into this." Oh, Sheriff, if you only knew how old that kid in the parlor is, and how far your own little Goldilocks has been dragged into it by his brother/your new BFF. And while I don't like to come down on a fellow mother, Sheriff -- you know the score and you have Vervain, and yet you're not sneaking it in Caroline's Diet Coke, dissolving some in your fabric softener and pinning it to her hems? Sheesh, She's-. Anyhow, she tells Damon about Daphne's doom and asks for his help. I love the irony that Stefan, who is using his super-vamp hearing to eavesdrop from the parlor, suspects his big brother has fallen off the wagon. Again. But this time, Damon's completely innocent and nearly as surprised by this turn of events as Sheriff Forbes.

MFHS; Hallway: Matt's talking to Caroline about what I take to be some dancing show. [So You Think You Can Dance. Don't ask. Let's just say maybe I know a TWoP mod who might have banned a few posters from that forum a couple of years ago -- including my 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

Vampire Diaries




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