Vampire Diaries

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Full-Grown Alpha Male Douche Bag

Elena and Stefan are greeted with a "Hey," from Matt as they stride down the hallway. Elena asks Matt if he's seen "Logan Fell, the news guy." Matt nods. "Yeah. He just gave Caroline a ride home." Oh Matt honey, I'd feel badly for you right now, but I'm more worried about Caroline, who is only with Scum because you were flirting with Elena and because her mother -- who knows about Vervain but hasn't given her any -- would screw up a free lunch. Stefan tells Elena to stay there, and takes off.

p>Outside, the Mayor tries to make Jeremy and Tyler fight. When the boys refuse, the Mayor gets nasty, particularly with his own kid. He makes with a lot of tough guy talk about what "pansies" do, and how his dad taught him: "Fight your battles like men, and move on." Even when you've already moved on, apparently. He follows up by barking some more about how they should fight. Alaric walks out in the middle of this, but hangs back, until the Mayor shoves Tyler really hard, growling: "I said fight." The Mayor attempts to run Alaric off, but he won't budge. He wants to know what's going on. The Mayor's all, "Who do you think you're talking to? Do I look like a student?" Alaric says, "No, you look like a full grown alpha male douche bag." I'm so tired of the word douche on TV, that I've spent countless How I Met Your Mother weecaps referring to the show-called/so-called douche-side of Ted Mosby as "Duke Ted," but right now, after that line from Alaric, douche sounds as fresh as a summer's eve. Cough. Tyler makes an Oh-No-He-Didn't-Face off Alaric's comment, but in a good way. Jeremy's just in awe and possibly in love, but who could blame him? The Mayor howls vague threats about having Alaric's job. Alaric's all like, Cool, then I can kick your ass out here, free from worry. He squints for good measure. "You cool with that?" LOVE HIM! The Mayor snarls that Alaric has just marked himself. When Alaric purrs, "Good," the Mayor scampers off. Tyler follows along, with his tail between his legs. Once they're alone, Jeremy does his level best not to fall at Alaric's feet. I'm impressed.

Meanwhile, as he speeds down the road, Scum calls She's-the-Sheriff and taunts her that he has her daughter and is hell-bent on turning her into a vampire. When he stops at an intersection, Damon and Stefan pull him out of his SUV. Damon shoots him several times (with wooden bullets?) and when Scum takes his turn at writhing in pain, Damon watches, delighted. "Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" Er...that's it? That's his quip? Whatever, right. Damon orders Stefan to get Caroline home, and then hears She's-the-Sheriff yelling, "Logan!" over Scum's cell phone. Damon picks it up, explains that Caroline's okay and he's in the process of stopping Scum. He tells her they're on Elm Street. Nightmare! And terminates the call. Damon then offers Scum one more chance to confess who turned him, as he grabs a tire iron out of the hatch (oh, unintentional Lost reference). Scum insists he doesn't know, so Damon points out that he can use said tire iron to decapitate scum in one at-bat. Desperate, Scum dangles some bait before our wants-to-be-woobified boy. "You think you're the only one that wants to get in that tomb? Underneath the old church?" Damon cautions that if Scum's lying, he will end him. Scum swears he's not lying. "There's another way to break the spell. We can help you." The sound of sirens approaches. Scum adds, "Meet me at the old church." Damon looks off at the cruiser in the distance and tells Scum, "Take me down. Make it look real." Scum obliges, throwing Damon against the back of the SUV and then takes off.

When Sheriff Liz Forbes arrives, her first question is about her daughter (the one she doesn't think enough of to feign interest in her hypothetical future career, never mind protect with a nice Vervain amulet). "Where is she?" Winded, Damon explains that his brother is taking Caroline home -- to safety. As he rises to his feet, he apologizes for his "failure" to stake Scum. "I'm sorry, Sheriff." His blue eyes nearly fill with tears. "I just wasn't strong enough." Bravo, Damon. Bravo. Commercial.

MFHS, Career Night: Stefan meets up with Elena, tells her that he got Caroline home safely and that Damon is "dealing with" Scum. He then uses the evening's events to drive home the point that it's not a good idea for them to be together. Elena accepts this on the surface, and convinces him to let her drive him home. And we cut to...

MFHS Exterior: Jeremy finds Ty sitting alone and extends an olive branching asking if his dad is like that all the time. If so, Germ claims he "gets" it. At that, Tyler punches him in the face. Bleeding from the nose, Germ says, "What's your problem?" Tyler doesn't need his pity. Germ says that they don't have to be like this. Tyler orders him to "just go." Again, Jeremy asks what his problem is. As if drugged, Tyler staggers under the light of THE FULL MOON and says, "I don't know." As he tries to catch his breath, he repeats, "I don't know." He allows the moonlight to stream down upon his troubled head before he stumbles off. Say, did anyone else think it was hinky that MFHS' teams are the Timberwolves? Yeah, me neither. Arrooooooo!

Mossy Manse Exterior: Elena drops Stefan off and apologizes for being harsh earlier. Stefan tells her she has every right. Elena changes topics and answers his earlier question about her hopes for the future. She always wanted to be a writer and that's a dream her mother always supported, but once she died, Elena was unable to envision it. She points out that although Stefan is trying to protect her, she's already drowning in a world of pain and death. He treats her as if she's intellectually challenged, stating that although it's hard for her to understand, he's doing this for her -- and then exits the car. Elena gets right out after him and tells him, "No." He doesn't get to make that decision for her. Hooray! "If you walk away, then it's because that's what you want." A beat. "Stefan, I love you." Stefan, whose back has been to her, turns on his heels, looks at her, and moves in for a breath-stealing kiss. When they finally break, we cut to...

Mossy Manse Interior: Elena and Stefan kiss. And kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss. And then they really kiss and he vamps out -- but the effect is quite subtle, because they're bathed in an amber light (akin to candlelight). He pulls away from her and hides his "true" face. From behind, Elena clasps his shoulders. "Don't." Stefan whispers, "Elena, I can't." Elena tries to turn him toward her as she says, "Yes, you can. Don't hide from me." And all I can think of is when Buffy kissed Angel's "true" face when they were ice skating and got attacked by vamps. Stefan's face is much less offensive. He looks like a burnout with moderate Rosacea. Elena smiles at him as she caresses his face, paying special attention to his moderate (if chronic) skin condition. Stefan watches, seemingly in agony, for her reaction. Elena's eyes narrow and she moves in for more kissing. Atta girl! As he kisses her back, his vamp face vanishes, BECAUSE THIS IS TWU LUV! They stop and stare into each other's eyes. We then cut to Elena, who is leading Stefan by the hand. Upstairs. To his BEDROOM! They stop on the landing to kiss, but then we cut to the bedroom, and their clothes magically start falling off. Did Bonnie do that? His over-shirt. Her shirt. His undershirt. He lays her down on the bed, and since I'm running out of purple prose, I think you'll know what I'm saying when I add -- and then lays her, down on the bed. Their sex scene is beautifully shot. It's all clasped hands, and gaudy bling, young skin and interesting angles. The music fades out as the camera cuts to the exterior of Mossy Manse, and then to commercial.

Warehouse Exterior; Ni

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Vampire Diaries

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