My word, everyone is a vampire -- Ben McKittrick, the new hottie tending bar at The Grill; Noah, the pizza delivery guy -- who always gets invited in; and Anna -- the Germ's new stalker. I'm in such a tizzy, I don't know how to summarize this bad boy. Suffice it to say that Matt and Caroline are back and it's tense (some tension is thanks to Elena; the rest is based on social class), but they'll muddle through, somehow. Elena and Stefan are going strong. Jenna comes clean to Elena about her birth circumstances; her mother was a runaway teen named Isabel. Anna keeps stalking Jeremy and she is not twee in the slightest.

After a vamp (Noah/Humpty Dumpty; he's pizza delivery guy, hence it was child's play to get an invite) makes his way into Gilbert Gables in order to terrorize Miss Elena. Stefan and Damon escort her to the MFHS '50s dance, in order to keep her safe. They dance their socks off, and uncover the new vampire in town who is stalking her. Alaric, who has invited Aunt Jenna as his date, is chaperoning. He tells Jenna a little about his dead wife -- Isabel. Sound familiar? Relatedly, Alaric recognizes Damon and gives him the third degree, but covers quickly enough by saying that he's nosy. He piques Damon's interest, but doesn't seem to ring his bell at first.

Meanwhile, Bonnie and Caroline leave the dance and go to the grill. Bonnie takes a shine to fangy bartender Ben McKittrick, and Caroline puts her foot in her mouth as she denigrates washed-up townie jocks to Bonnie, while Matt's within earshot. Meanwhile, back the dance, the Noah vamp gets Elena to come outside by threatening Jeremy, and it's all very Buffy in "Becoming" as she runs down the hallway. The Noah vamp terrorizes her in the cafeteria, but she stakes him with pencils, which does little but slow him down. She then breaks a mop handle and tries that on for size, but he thwarts her and moves in for jugular. Thankfully, Stefan is right there, and Damon's on his trail with a, "Hey, dickhead." Stefan goes all Jack Bauer and tortures Noah with the wooden mop handle to try to get information out of him. Noah is fixated on Katherine (hence his Elena stalkage). He knows about Emily Bennett's grimoire and Jonathan Gilbert's journal, but he won't talk any more so Stefan stakes him through the heart which apparently kills these vampires. Alaric spies the scene from the hallway so Damon goes to lay the whammy on him, and thinks he's successful, but after his, "Forget we had this conversation," and departure, Alaric reveals he's holding a fistful of Vervain.

Denouement: Stefan offers to help Damon get Katherine (but not the 26 other vamps) out of the mystical tomb, and then tells Elena that his offer to his brother is a flat-out lie. Matt and Caroline kiss and make up. And Anna? She makes it clear that the Germ is just a toy and Ben McKittrick is her toothy dreamboat.

So much happened in this episode that it's not really recaplet-friendly, so join me on the flip side for the full weecap. In the meantime, come on over to the forums, and let your pizza delivery guy wait on the stoop.