SNAKE BITE ANTIDOTE Dose 2: Daughter, you and your brothers are both my greatest gift and biggest responsibility. I know you're already disenchanted with The Vampire Diaries, because the Damon/Elena love story isn't going how you'd hoped. I feel a little bad that I'm further ruining your pretty, shiny thing. But you are important and are of inexpressible value, yet the world so often tells and will tell you exactly the opposite. When it isn't directly tearing you down, it often sows seeds that make you doubt yourself and your worth. I have known you, dear girl, since I first felt you quicken in my womb. You are precious and priceless, because you are you and part of you is the fact that you're a female. That is a fact of your life. Being female is good. It is not something that needs to be controlled and put in its place. It is not a flaw. It's not secretive and manipulative. It's not crazy. It's not stupid. It's not weak. It's not lesser. It is not dirty. It is not ugly. It is great and wonderful. Not enough people will make that point to you in your life, but I'll be damned if I fall down on the job.
Mossy Manse. Stefan asks Damon what they'll tell Elena. Damon was hoping they wouldn't tell her anything and Stefan says they can't just lie to her. Damon thinks of it as serving the greater good, but Stefan accuses him of serving himself. Damon says the only reason Stefan wants to break the sire bond is to restore Elena to her original "Team Stefan factory settings." He tells Stefan to hunt him down once he stops being such a dick and swans off.
SNAKE WATCH: Elena is still just a holy grail to these two. You understand why that's wrong, right?
When Damon rounds the corner Charlotte charges at him and knocks him down. Thanks to his vampiric hearing, Stefan notes the commotion and Stealth Salvatores to the scene. He throws Charlotte off his brother, only to learn she had knocked him down to kiss him. Yes, even after 70 years of absence, the male power over this weak-willed female is just that potent. I know I should have put that in a "SNAKE WATCH" paragraph, but I've sort of lost the will to watch this anymore, so I'm doing what I can stomach and no more. It's so gross. It's all so gross it makes me miss the blood and gore. Stefan makes a point of highlighting the fact that despite Damon's earlier protests, the sire bond appears to be extremely literal.
Charlotte hangs all over Damon, who begs her to tell him that she's had a rewarding life, full of something other than brick counting. She says she has, but of course her sire has just told her to tell him that. She then says she's not crazy, which is what the crazy always say. Then she trots out this whole analogy about how counting bricks is the love song that reminds her of Damon, so she revisits it every once in a while. Stefan is appalled that she's been listening to the same "song" for 70 years. Right there with you, Mr. Secret Keeper -- I'm right there with you. Damon asks for Charlotte's help in finding the witch, Valerie.