Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A | 3 USERS: A
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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on The Vampire Diaries: For over a century, Stefan Salvatore has hidden in the shadows, but now takes a flying leap off the roof of Mossy Manse and into sunshine of Elena Gilbert's love. Stefan and Elena kiss. The Vampire Diaries' writers take the piss out of Stephanie Meyer, as Caroline asks Damon why he doesn't sparkle. The F'n CoW wants Jeremy's pocket watch, and Logan "Scum" Fell is just the weasel to get it for them. Next, Damon steals back his "very important crystal" from the F'n CoW's Heritage Project. Elena wants to know Stefan's secrets, so when he implores her to trust him, she tells him, "Trust is earned." Elena finds Damon's bite marks all over Caroline. The show isn't airing the "previouslies" in order, so your recapper stops linking to scenes. Zach shows Stefan his Vervain stash. Damon sinks his teeth into Caroline who is a walking Vervain Vamp Mickey. Damon collapses. Caroline and Stefan toast as we hear Stefan tell Damon he spiked Caroline's drink. She's-the-Sheriff/Caroline's mom strongly implies vampires are real. Oz says, "That explains a lot." Scum says, "They've come back." I say...

NOW: The camera pans over the roof of Mossy Manse, which seems to get bigger each week. I'll take that as a metaphor for my interest in this show. Inside, Stefan visits Damon who has been locked in the dungeon for three days. When he inquires after his ring, Stefan says Damon won't need it anymore. Damon asks him what he's doing to him, which sets Stefan up for this MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: "During the dark ages, when a vampire's actions threatened to expose, or bring harm upon, the entire race -- he would face judgment. They sought to reeducate them, rather than to punish them." Suckers. Suckers' suckers, even. If Damon continues to go without blood he'll give us another MYTHOLOGY MOMENT: he'll grow weaker. Eventually he won't be able to move or speak. In a week his skin will desiccate; he'll mummify; and eventually, he'll become a living corpse -- unable to hurt anyone, ever. Stefan says he plans on moving Damon to the family crypt. And as chilly as a November breeze, he adds that they'll "reevaluate" the situation. In 50 years! Brrrrrrr.

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Vampire Diaries

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