Veronica Mars
Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 5 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Say It Ain't So, Jo...er, "Terrence"!

Logan and Hannah are leaving the carnival as her tells her not to hold his hand: "Save it for the date." They stop as Hannah says she's getting picked up there, and they make googly eyes at each other as he tells her he'll see her Saturday. My guess is that there's going to be a run on blonde-haired, blue-eyed voodoo dolls between now and then. She starts to go, but Logan pulls her in to mack, and then explains, "Just in case you don't kiss on the first date." There are probably other things she won't do on the first date, but I don't know if you can get away with them in the parking lot. Anyway, Hannah's ride shows, and as she hops in, we see it's Dr. Griffith, whom she greets as "Daddy." Logan kneels down, and fixes Dr. Griffith with a triumphant look. I admit that I knew about this development from spoilers, so I wasn't left to wonder why Logan was spending all this time on a girl who would actually be shocked by the Shocker. Still, well played, you psychotic argyle-sodden jackass.

Dick hops out of his car, spitting, and asks what the hell that was. The person, in a lower voice than before: "What do you call yours?" My guess is we don't want to know what Dick calls his, but luckily, that's not the point (s)he's trying to make. Beaver and Mac are sitting on the hood of her car holding up ignited lighters in the air, which (a) word, and (b) HA! Dick marches over to Beaver and shoves him down, fist in the air, but before he can swing, Beaver bites out, "You hit me, and you'll suffer worse, I promise you." Dick looks unconvinced, but Beaver evilly raises his eyebrows and asks if he remembers Sally. Dick's fist goes limp, following a different body part's lead, and Logan isn't too good a friend to Dick not to taunt him, "Would that you could spit out the memories." For once it's a revelation to note that a Beaver has quite a set of teeth. He is so my favorite character.

Keith is drunkenly telling Cook how he caught one of Cook's three career home runs. He's so cute when he's a sports fan. Cook says that he needs to call a cab, adding that he'll pick up his car the next day, and then asks for confirmation that Keith is taking his case. Keith asks if there's anything else Cook needs to tell him and, when the answer's negative, says he can't, because Cook still isn't coming clean with him. Cook is like, "Who, me?" but Keith plays the audio file of Lamb blackmailing him. Cook confesses that Naima (actual first name: "Leslie") was there when the two guys broke in, and what's more, they were Fitzpatricks. Those boys have their fingers in a lot of pies, and in case the censors are still reading, I'm not talking vagina this time. (Of course, that's usually a fairly safe bet.) Cook adds that Naima overheard something she shouldn't have. After some prodding by Keith, Cook confesses that he has a gambling problem, and that, to pay off a multimillion-dollar debt, he threw an ALCS (American League Championship Series) game. It seemed pretty likely that he did something like this, as I noted at the time, but that doesn't stop Keith's lower lip from quivering. As Cook relates the details of how he intentionally threw a big fat meatball that got clocked for a three-run homer, Keith's face shows us what shattering looks like in slow motion. Cook says that Naima heard the whole thing, and said that if Cook ever left her, she'd sell the story. In a small voice, Keith says that he was almost at that game, but that Veronica got the chicken pox, so he watched it glued to his TV with his jersey and his foam finger: "Pretty silly, huh? You know what's even more silly? The superstitious fan in me thought we lost that game because I wasn't there. I even felt a little guilty, like I let you guys down." I don't know if there's anything sadder than watching a forty-something bald guy realize that it's time to put away childish things. Cook can't take the long version of "Say It Ain't So, Joe," and gets up to leave, but Keith calls after him that he charges fifty bucks an hour plus expenses. Cook asks why Keith's taking the case after all. Keith, heartbreakingly: "You're Terrence Cook! You wouldn't kill a bus full of kids. I still believe that." Cook bails, and I hope he's going to pay the cab driver extra when he vomits all over the back seat from beer and shame.

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Veronica Mars

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