Veronica Mars
Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 5 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Say It Ain't So, Jo...er, "Terrence"!

...we're in the parking lot, where Jackie is walking, now firmly on Neptune's "Jeers!" list thanks to Lamb's arrest of her dad. Dick, in particular, makes a snide comment about how Jackie's dad killed his classmates, but given the have-nots that were on the bus, he's probably just annoyed that his wedgie pool got smaller. Cora, Jackie's friend, catches her and sympathetically asks how she is. Jackie wonders if all the attention counts as her fifteen minutes of fame: "And if so, what does the child of an alleged murderer wear to Winter Carnival?" Well, I'd tell her to ask Logan, but I've seen this episode, and you really don't want to be taking fashion advice from him at the moment. Cora says that Jackie doesn't have to go, but Jackie reminds her that they volunteered in French Club. Madison, overhearing that last, stalks up and tells Jackie she can't go: "Even you're not that tacky." There's something derogatory in that sentence, for sure, but having seen Madison's sign-making and dentist-tripping skills, I'm just not sure which way the insult is blowing. Jackie: "School carnival? Me, you, and the Shake Shack doin' a little 'You're The One That I Want'? I am so there." The fact that Madison's wearing a pink jacket is what makes it art. Although I'm thinking "Beauty School Dropout" might prove to be even more appropriate for her. Madison says that Jackie's being there will ruin everything, and Jackie, with a tinge of sadness, says that's her plan. Aw, Jackie, you're starting to evoke sympathy from the posters. Might be a good time to go spit on Jane Austen's grave.

Keith is in his office hearing the boring details of a boring case from a boring client. He walks out to the fax machine and, on his way back in, looks over and sees Terrence Cook stand up from the couch and say he doesn't have an appointment, but that he was hoping Keith could see him. Keith goes to throw his other client out the window, since this moment in his life has already taken so long to arrive that he can't possibly wait for the dude to walk all the way to the door.

Winter Carnival. It's a pretty elaborate affair for a high school, or so it seems to me. But the closest thing we ever had to a carnival at my school was when a car rolled over my friend's foot and everyone stood around gawking while it swelled up like a balloon. In the city, you take what you can get. Madison offers pep-squad baked goods to the crowd, and then we see a big circular glass container filled with those plastic balls for kids to jump into. Veronica's stuck selling snow cones and slushies; as she notices all the couples milling about, VMVO sighs, "Two by two. Apparently you can only enter the carnival as if it were the ark." I don't think so, Veronica -- if God wanted to start over, I really don't think he'd keep Dick and Madison around. I mean, there's vengeful, and there's just plain stupid. Logan appears, and he's sporting an unflattering new short haircut, an awful beige jacket with green piping, and a green and white argyle sweater that's worse than anything Duncan ever even considered putting on. Why not just stab yourself in the eye, Logan -- it'll be less painful. For me, at least. (Actually, he is wearing the school colors, but...still.) Veronica asks Logan what his poison is. Logan: "Emotionally unavailable women." Heh. He then muses that he could use something to suit his mood. Veronica: "Ooh, I'm sorry. We're all out of liquid evil." Fun, yet prescient. Logan orders two slushies, and then spares a look Madison's way and notes, "People really love pep squad pie." And by "pie," he means "vagina." (Just seeing if I get an email from a censor asking for further clarification.) Veronica explains that Madison's dad gives her forty bucks to buy a pie from a "chichi bakery, and then drops three bills to buy it back in front of a live studio audience. He loves her." Logan hands over a fifty, and he and Veronica exchange light quips about money. This whole exchange is full of that fun and interesting "I still kind of like you underneath" subtext that was totally and uncharacteristically absent from the elevator exchange in "Donut Run," so yay. Logan gets his change and notes the people behind him. "The hoi polloi. They don't know what they want 'til I have it." Well, when they're wearing fug-assed argyle, we'll talk. As long as you don't mind visiting my grave.

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Veronica Mars

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