Veronica Mars
Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 5 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Say It Ain't So, Jo...er, "Terrence"!

Madison's still selling pies when Mac and Beaver walk by. Mac asks if they're winning, and then clarifies, "I feel like we're in a contest with all the other couples. Who can hold hands the longest." Beaver adorably says he doesn't want to lose Mac in the crowd, and it'll probably save me a lot of typing if you just assume everything they do is adorable unless I say otherwise. The two of them run into Dick and a couple of his goons, and Beaver's smile turns upside down. Dick smarms that he's just looking out for Beaver, and Mac evenly says that he's fine. Dick blabbers about busting Beaver's cherry, which is an interesting, um, tossed salad of words. (I'd say I'm trying to get one past the censors too, but you guys probably already know Wing Chun. ["As a good little Canadian girl, I am sure I don't know what you're talking about." -- Wing Chun]) Dick adds that Beaver's hands must be covered in sweat, and that Mac must be totally grossed out. Beaver glowers some more, is nearly successful in trying to take out Dick's eye with his lower lip, and then releases Mac's hand. Dick: "Oop! See how it just slipped right out? Gotta work on that, bro." Dick is such an asshole, but I have to admit that comment was pretty hilarious. He and his goons leave, and Beaver stalks off, Mac following him.

Elsewhere, Hannah buys cotton candy, and then Logan appears and grabs a piece off and eats it. They flirt a bit, and Logan says he notices that she's separated from the herd: "I'm concerned, you know -- predators and all that." Considering Logan's game, that's certainly an ironic comment. Particularly since very few predators wear argyle. (I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is: when the wardrobe people start listening.) Hannah says that she can take care of herself, and then Logan steals some more cotton candy, provoking a "Dude!" Logan can't believe she uses that word, and Jason Dohring is an even better actor than I thought to convincingly give someone shit for saying the word "dude." Logan goes on about how Hannah is like the hot daughter of a king and that he's only ever going to call her "princess" and that she should get permission from her friends to come play with him because he knows she wants to, and at this point even the cotton candy wishes Logan would lighten up on the sugar. Anyway, Hannah ditches her friends.

It's now dark, and Jackie is shivering as Madison smugly steps up to take her turn. There's steam coming up from the tank, though, so at least it looks like the water is heated. Some posters wondered what the big deal was about Jackie's experience in the tank, but I think the mean-spirited way the other kids are acting about the whole affair is the problem. Madison misses her first shot, and then just walks up past the barrier and tells Jackie, "Next time I tell you to stay home, listen." She manually dunks Jackie, to cheers from other students. Man. I'm surprised all the people who swallowed Madison's spit didn't die of Toxic Shock Syndrome. (Dick, of course, has a natural immunity.) Veronica -- who's apparently spent the last five hours watching as Jackie keeps getting wet from her toes to her stiff upper lip -- hears children screaming and heads toward the plastic ball pen. She sees Thumper making a scene about how it's not just for kids, causing Veronica to rush over to Clemmons and Ms. Hauser and say that they have to empty the ball pit, since the box could very well be in there. Clemmons asks what happens if she's wrong...

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Veronica Mars

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