Veronica Mars
Campus Confidential

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Extra! Extra! This Movie Sucks!
Kim arrives home to find her mother waiting up with a copy of the Tattler. Peg gives Kim a cliché-ridden lecture about doing the right thing, and then it's time for bed and a commercial. Tabloid headline about Kim not being on the tabloid any more. Outside at school, Teddy storms over to Kim and slams down a copy of the Tattler with his picture on it. Kim denies knowledge of it, but Teddy points out that her name is listed as author. Instead of saying that Keri put it on there, Kim just sits there like an idiot for an eternity until Teddy stomps off. And then it's Kim doing the stomping, as she marches into the newspaper office and demands to know what's going on. Keri says she was testing Kim's loyalties, and then shows her some bullshit stories she's working on about non-A-list kids, and can we get to the point without having another philosophical discussion about the point of the paper and having Keri horribly deliver a quote from Citizen Kane? Why do I even ask these questions? Kim recycles the Jerry Maguire quote from earlier, Keri threatens to make her the subject of a story, and Kim spunkily leaves. Shut up, ABC Family Channel. Cafeteria. Bitchony and Bitchory have been relegated to a non-cool-kids' table. Kim finds out that Mokthar quit the paper in protest after Keri asked him to doctor some photos. Kim says it's like Keri has become a totally different person, and since from that statement it's clearly Opposite Day, I'll have to say that I agree. Anyway, Mokthar lets it spill that Keri's dad did some work on her in the second grade, and Kim gets an idea. Or she might have indigestion from all the KFC she's been scarfing down. Establishing shot of Keri's house, with Mokthar sitting outside with a paper bag, and then we're inside, as Kim is badly acting her way through a scene wherein she convinces Keri's dad to do some work on her arms, even though (a) I'd think some parental consent would be required for a minor, and (b) like Kim hasn't been to Keri's house a bunch of times, and we're to believe that Keri wouldn't have introduced her only friend to her dad who WORKS AT HOME? I'd say this movie can blow me, but it'd probably be really bad at it. Kim completely unsubtly looks at her watch... ...and outside, Mokthar looks at his watch and says, "Showtime." Yes, that is one of the many networks that passed on this dreck. He rings the doorbell, and Keri's dad goes to answer it. Mokthar keeps him out there for a little while with a story about a new restaurant that's giving out free food samples and bad puns. Inside, Kim finds the file she's looking for and snaps a photo.

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Veronica Mars




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