Veronica Mars
Campus Confidential

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Extra! Extra! This Movie Sucks!
Keri pulls up to school in a sweet VW bug, and parks in the handicapped zone. Kim watches nervously. Whatever. Keri holds egg-cream court at her reserved table with a bunch of non-speaking extras. I guess it's convenient that she talks so much, if only for budget reasons. She and Kim share an awkward look at each other as stupid strummy-strummy-la-la (tm Pamie) music plays. We get a montage of all the "good times" Kim and Keri shared, and recappers normally love montages, but given that I have to relive parts of this vomitous movie, I'm thinking the price of this one is a little steep. Then we're in the classroom, where Teddy gives Kim a baleful look, and then there's a badly-done montage of the two of them, which includes the times he told her off, and if Kim's remembering those moments fondly, she's even dumber than I thought. The montage becomes ever-increasingly random and pointless, unless the ABC Family Channel detests its viewers, which given my experience with organizations with the word "family" in their names actually seems like a pretty safe bet. Kim gets home to find Peg outside. Kim apologizes about the tabloid, and says she wishes they could run one giant retraction. If she's speaking on behalf of the network execs, I'd say too little, too late. Some girl who looks like Michelle Trachtenberg's alien cousin is badly telling Keri about what Bitchony and Bitchory have been up to when Kim enters the newspaper office. She spunkily waves an envelope at Keri. Shut up, Kim. Macros rule, don't they? A stupid tabloid headline promises the end to this movie. If it's lying, I'm definitely suing. Anyway, the big reveal is that Keri had a tail that her dad surgically removed. Well, sure, but what did he do about the horns and the cloven feet? Kim gloats, but then the strummy-strummy-la-la starts again, so she and Keri know it's time to get sad. Kim tells Keri that she was the best friend she ever had, and it seems like an inappropriate time for a joke, doesn't it? Endless staring at each other, and then Keri agrees to print a retraction for all the smearing and to shut down the paper. Tearing up, spunkiness, we're out... ...and back in to Kim's oral report on Animal Farm. It's so poignant, with the parallels to the movie and stuff. Or at least you'd think so, if you were going by Teddy's "And That's One To Grow On" facial expression. Everyone applauds, as if. Spunky smile, dorky laughing, a hint that Kim and Keri may rebuild their broken friendship. Barf. Is it over yet?

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Veronica Mars

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