Veronica Mars
Clash Of The Tritons

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
Hey, You Can Spell "Triton" Without "Trite"!

Taye Diggs, nice suits and all, but I don't recall your show making EW's Top Ten Best New Shows list. Good thing UPN had someplace else to turn.

Veronica's in an office at the sheriff's department when Cliff enters. Veronica: "Know any good lawyers?" Hee. Cliff says he only knows an adequate one, but he just posted her $500 bail. I'm surprised they would set bail for a minor for this offense. Veronica: "They take Diners Club here?" Oh, so the bail was for the joke. Frankly, I would have let that one rot. Veronica drops the act and thanks Cliff, and then asks him not to tell her dad. Cliff says that Keith is going to find out one way or another, despite the fact that he's currently in Arizona chasing a bail-jumper, and informs Veronica that her court date is set for the following Tuesday at 9 AM. Veronica asks what they're going to do about beating this rap, and Cliff informs her that her the fake IDs in her wallet are "Mickey Mouse." However, the ones in the locker spell intent to distribute, which is far more pernicious, thus making them Disney's management team. Veronica points out that the IDs were blank, and Cliff agrees that the only thing really tying her to the "supposed fake ID ring" is the testimony of "the other kid," meaning Rick. Veronica asks whom he's talking about, and as it happens, Rick is walking by the door right then and there. Veronica calls, "Excuse me!" The words "While I yank your small intestine out through your throat" are evident in her tone. While it's possible she learned that in drama school, it's not making me anxious to pull Kristen Bell's hair or anything.

In the hallway, Veronica shoves Rick up against the wall and is like, we don't even know each other, so what the hell gives? Rick stammers that "they" told him to say Veronica sold him the ID. Veronica wants to know who "they" are, but Rick whispers that he can't tell her, since "they" are everywhere. I doubt "they" are in the sheriff's office, Rick. This isn't L.A. Confidential. Ooh, pardon me while I think of mid-'90s Guy Pearce for a moment. Which of course makes me think of Priscilla, which just brings me around to Logan. I mean, can't you see him singing ABBA? And I'm not saying he has to do it in drag, but he doesn't seem one for half-assing. In all seriousness, if they don't do a musical episode of this show, it will be a tragedy on the scale of...well, it'll be a tragedy on the scale of the fact that they are doing a musical episode of 7th Heaven. And not even Greece produced anything quite as tragic as that. Sing, bitches. Anyway, Veronica says they can have a secret meeting at school, and that that Rick will be hearing from her. Loudly, I'd be willing to bet. As Veronica leaves, Rick whines, "I thought you were expelled!" Hey, Rick? I'm going to use the fact that you said "they" are everywhere as a convenient excuse to tell you this: SHUT UP.

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Veronica Mars




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