Veronica Mars
Driver Ed

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 2 USERS: A
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Clerk. We Only Need One...

Hee hee hee. We get a look at a shelf full of bus merchandise, which all features a picture of a school bus with wings and a halo, and a caption reading, "We'll never forget." Now this is satire. There are sweatshirts, hats -- even a shot glass! I could really use one of those. Also, "Magic Bus" is playing, and again, hee. Veronica answers her phone, and Wallace asks, "Whatcha doin'?" with a big smile and an awesome Veronica-esque head-tilt. Hee. Veronica bitterly says she's remembering why she's a misanthrope, and tells him about the souvenirs. Wallace backs off and says he'll take care of his problem himself. You should have sent an image of the head-tilt, Wallace. She wouldn't have been able to resist that. Jackie asks what's up, and Wallace fronts that everything's good, since he's on the case. Well, at least he found a subplot. It's an encouraging start.

Back in the store, VMVO wonders how she's going to convince "this spotlight-loving bozo" that she's his friend. I don't know -- maybe dress like a long-haired overcoat-wearing skate punk and hit on everything in sight with boobs and a pulse (latter optional)? Veronica asks the Gameboy-playing Smith if he's the guy from the news, and he affably tells her he is as he proudly shows off the bus sweatshirt he's wearing. Heh. He asks if he looked fat on TV, and talks about the camera adding ten pounds. Veronica looks at his gut and wonders how many cameras Kevin thinks were on him. Kevin then awesomely malaprops that he started a "diet regiment" that morning. Hee. Veronica fake-enthuses that it must have been so freaky to be the last one to talk to the bus driver. I'm guessing some of the kids might have talked to him later on, if only to scream "You IDIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Veronica says she's into the macabre, and Kevin agrees that she must be one of those "freaky sex-and-death type kids." Veronica smiles sardonically to herself, no doubt thinking about how much shit Lilly's going to give her for this conversation should they meet up in the afterlife. Kevin brilliantly goes on for a while about Goths and non-Goths, and then says that Veronica is the "Marilyn" to all the Munsters that have been coming in lately. Veronica asks what the bus driver's last meal was, and Kevin pours her a Slushy-type drink as he says that if he were going to kill himself, he'd want his last meal to be something exotic, like "the last emu" or something. He also gives her a pack of peanuts and charges her a buck ninety-eight. VMVO complains that this meal tells her nothing. Well, I'd say it tells us that Ed didn't have diabetes or a fatal peanut allergy, but given how literally some people on the boards are taking the "nothing is what it seems" theme, maybe that's too big a leap to make. Veronica notices a sign that says they don't make change, under no circumstances, never, and deduces that, at twenty-five cents, buying a St. Christopher's medallion is a good way to break a dollar. It's also a good way to ward off accidents while traveling, but sadly, throwing it away negates the effect. Kevin tells her to be careful going around the cliffs: "Don't pull a bus." Hee. And that's it for Kevin Smith. Anyone making cameo appearances from here on out better bring his A game. NVMVO tells us that the driver got the change to use the phone: "But who did he call, and why doesn't anyone know about it?" NN: These are questions you'd probably never ask yourself. No need to thank us.

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Veronica Mars

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