Chez Fennel. Alicia asks Wallace if he's working that night, and Wallace tells her no, other than giving "the hottest girl at school" a hand with trig. Alicia notes that he needs help with trig. Wallace: "I might give her both hands." At first I thought that that statement was inappropriate in front of his mother and little brother, but since his brother immediately pipes up, "Are you hittin' that?," I have to conclude that I was mistaken. Everyone giggles their way out the door...
...and Wallace gets in his car and drives off. Alicia waves, but freezes when she sees Chicago Guy pass him going the other way in a white SUV. He fixes Alicia with a look and drives on. Alicia gapes us into the opening credits.
Oh, dear, Busy Philipps. I don't know that a great lead-in is going to help.
Veronica is taking pictures of the ostensible boyfriend doing laps on a track. From this distance, he looks like a cross between Scott Speedman and Jason Lee, so there's a serious approach-avoidance issue here even without the Scientology. Julie calls, and Veronica tells her she's got nothing of note to report, so Julie tells her that Colin's had twenty calls from the same number in the past six days: "Don't you think that's odd?" Compared to reacting to an imminent proposal by completely freaking out and losing all perspective, I'd have to say...yes. Veronica agrees that it's worth looking into, and asks for the number in question, but Julie's already sent it to her with a reminder that Colin's got tennis the next day. This seems as good a time as any to ask: when do these two actually spend any time together? Also, what does Rich Julie do with her time that she can't be hanging out a little more with Trust Fund Boy? Has she lied and told him she actually has a job? I don't think this plot bears all that much scrutiny, especially from the standpoint that I don't really know what Colin could see in this barely-hinged woman, but if you assume Julie's kind of psycho, at least her actions make sense. Anyway.
Mars Investigations. We see Keith sitting at his desk, and then someone comes into frame, but all we see at first is a paper bag and a shapely ass. Keith looks thrilled as he speculates that the bag contains a ham-and-cheese sandwich, and Alicia is gratified that she didn't go with chicken salad. Keith tells her that a beautiful woman bringing a guy a sandwich is one of the top ten male fantasies. Hmm. I suppose that means having the sandwich delivered by beautiful twins is somewhere in the top three. Keith has the good sense to make out a little with Alicia before diving into the sandwich, but Alicia asks him mid-bite if he has a spare gun she can borrow. Honey, if you're going to make him choke, at least have some water at the ready. Keith evenly asks who she intends to shoot, and Alicia confesses that Chicago Dude is an old boyfriend of hers. Keith starts to point out that she was less than forthcoming when it happened, but Alicia says she was totally thrown (I'd point out that given her reaction when they were first talking about Chicago, that might not be completely true), and that she was with the guy almost twenty years prior, before she was married. She was naïve and he was crazy. I'm surprised it happened in Chicago, because it certainly sounds like the beginning of a country song. Keith asks about the gun, and Alicia tells him about the drive-by. Keith says he can't give Alicia a gun, if only for safety reasons, but that he'll be happy to crawl into bed with her at night. Jeez, Keith, didn't you get enough in Chicago? Alicia asks what they'll tell the kids, and the answer is nothing. Seems a little devious, but they'll probably thank their parents for it.