Veronica Mars
Green-Eyed Monster

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 3 USERS: A-
When You Assume...

A silver car with a hood ornament, driven by our trust-fund boy, motors down the street and parks in a driveway. From her vantage point in her car nearby, Veronica snaps some photos as VMVO notes that this isn't a tennis court. Disappointingly, given that a woman opens the door and hugs Colin, there's not a joke about a "love match." Of course, it's only disappointing in the sense that I can't point to anyone else who couldn't resist a horrible tennis pun. Veronica uploads the latest pictures to her computer as she calls Julie and tells her to check her email. She also asks if Julie knows anyone who lives at "8520 Primrose Lane," and upon hearing a negative, tells her this is where Colin goes instead of playing tennis, and also that it's where all the phone calls came from. Julie starts to freak, but Veronica tells her to stay calm, and that she'll call her when she knows anything. Julie agrees, but we know her well enough by now to be glad this story isn't being told in real time, as she'd be at this house somewhere between the Juicy Fruit ad and the English guy peddling AOL that I sort of want to kill.

Veronica sneaks close to the house as Stereophonics's "Jealousy" plays. VMVO tells Colin to give her what she came for as she peers in and sees him in the middle of...a Hebrew lesson. Before Veronica can say "Ruh roh," Julie pulls up in her own silver number, not having bothered to remove her rollers and waxing cream before hopping in the car. Oh, honey, you want to look your best in situations like this. If you're going to tell someone off, you can't provide him with an excuse to start giggling. Julie gets out of the car, but Veronica comes out of nowhere and tackles her to the ground. Apparently she really didn't want to be responsible for Judaicus interruptus. Veronica tells Julie what Colin is doing, and Julie blurts that Colin's not Jewish -- she is. Veronica pauses poignantly and then is all, "Are you there yet?" Considering she's lying on top of Julie, it's an interesting choice of phrase, and the fact that Julie immediately collapses back onto the ground only makes it more so.

2:25 AM. Veronica lies awake as VMVO wonders why Duncan has been going to the hospital every day. Her cell phone rings, and a voice blurts, "Do you think he still loves her?" Veronica, continuing her reverie, says she doesn't know, and then suddenly snaps out of it, asking who's calling. Heh. It's Crazy Julie, of course, and she's wondering if Colin still loves the woman in the picture she referenced earlier. VMVO asks if, since she's thinking the same things about Duncan and Meg, that means she's crazy too. Hee. Even though it's ridiculous to compare the two situations, I love that sentence because she doesn't have the slightest hesitation to call Julie completely cuckoo. Veronica points out the lateness of the hour, and says that phone calls at this time aren't covered by the Silver Package. Julie asks what comes after Silver. Veronica: "Psycho." Hee. She quickly covers with "Gold," which ups the price to three grand, and includes three months of internet activity, heavier surveillance, and the setting up of a "temptation scenario." Julie signs on, with the proviso that Veronica has to find out who's in the photo she won't shut up about. Veronica looks a little bummed by the fact that Colin's touching and romantic gesture in converting for his girlfriend is being rewarded with more suspicion instead of less, and in fact offers the opinion that there's a fine line between looking for a problem and creating one. True, but that fine line's going to buy some nice college outfits, Veronica. Although if I can offer a little advice to you, dear, it's to charge her five grand for the platinum package and give her some Prozac from Tijuana. Everyone will be a winner, no one more so than Colin.

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Veronica Mars




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