Veronica Mars
Green-Eyed Monster

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 3 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
When You Assume...

Wallace and Jackie are making out when his phone rings. He answers it, which is his first mistake. It's Veronica, and she asks what he's doing. Her tone is so familiar that I end up tilting my own head involuntarily. She does endearingly call him "buddy," though. Jackie's face falls when she hears Veronica's name, and Wallace tries to get off the phone as Jackie climbs into his lap. Basically, the rest of the scene goes "Blah blah blah blah I'll pay you two hundred dollars." That's from Wallace's point of view, of course.

Suddenly, Wallace is putting on his sneakers. Heh. Veronica is pretty manipulative here. It's amusing, but I think it's going to bite her in the ass. I hope Jackie doesn't sharpen her teeth. Jackie gets off a pretty good line about Wallace asking how high when Veronica says to jump, and says she may have to have a chat with "Miss Pixie Stick." Wallace says he wouldn't do that, since Veronica isn't someone you want to piss off. Jackie fixes him with a look and intones, "Neither am I." It's a testament to Tessa Thompson's improved acting that I only laugh in her face a little bit.

Veronica pulls up on a street near the beach and apologizes to Wallace for being late: "Whip cream fight at the sorority house!" See, I'm only speculating about straight guys here, but I think that scenario is higher on their greatest fantasy list than ham and cheese on rye, no matter who delivers it. Most of them, anyway. Wallace, the trunk of his car open, hands Veronica a mike, and she shoves it into her cleavage. Heh. If her temptation scenario is successful, Wallace is going to be hearing the results awfully loudly. Wallace makes fun of her outfit, and then tells her she needs to pay him before that night, since he needs to make peace with his woman. Veronica: "Are you sure she's your woman?" Geez, Veronica, you don't want to distract the guy right before your little sting operation here. What if Wallace were in la-la land while you were going through the humiliation of Colin having an entire conversation with your tits? Veronica tells him about seeing Jackie with "Random Dude," but Wallace points out that that was a couple weeks back (if that's true, what was Carl doing this whole time?), and they'd only been on a couple of dates by that point, although things have progressed since. With no defensiveness, Wallace jokes, "When you assume, you really just make a [sic] ass out of you." Well, Veronica doesn't need to bother with the other part if he's going to say things like "a ass." That settled, Veronica lets the air out of one of her tires, although the forum posters were quick to point out that simply unscrewing the cap wouldn't suffice to deflate it. And she could so easily have gotten Logan to help her out.

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Veronica Mars

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