Veronica Mars
Green-Eyed Monster

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
When You Assume...

Ding dong! Colin, who's definitely cuter than he looked at the track, opens the door to find Veronica, and asks if he can help her. She ditzily asks if he's from Scotland, and the answer is yes. I'm guessing that she's just acting like she didn't know that, because presumably she's already done the background check. Veronica blathers that foreign men are sexier, and Colin just looks at her like she's insane, so she tells him about the flat tire. I'll tell you this -- Kristen Bell can do about eighteen different variations of bimbo, and it's awesome. Funny how so many actual bimbo actresses can't even do one variation convincingly.

Colin examines the flat, and Veronica lays it on thick with talk of tight nuts and lotion. I thought you were trying to prove he liked girls here, hon. He points out that you have to jack the car up before you take off the tire, and then gives her a handkerchief to wipe off some motor oil on her forehead. Boy, Julie's either more blind or more retarded than I thought before, because I wouldn't doubt that anyone who has a family crest embroidered on his handkerchief might have a few bucks in the bank. Veronica exaggeratedly sticks out her ass as she looks in the driver's-side mirror, and Colin isn't above checking it out, much to Wallace's delight. Colin offers to call Veronica a tow truck, but she gives him a song and dance about needing to use his computer to send a midterm within ten minutes. Colin relents, and Wallace films them going into the house.

Inside, Veronica babbles excitedly about lesbian college experimentation and how awesome the place is, and there's lots of art and wood floors and beautiful views and I don't even want to contemplate the price tag here. Veronica, who I now can see is wearing fishnets, hits on Colin blatantly, but Colin says he's got a girlfriend. He does not add, "Now go send your hackneyed little paper about how Hamlet was just misunderstood so you can get out of my house, you retarded bimbo," but every scene's got to have subtext. Veronica asks, on the scale of pretty to drop-dead gorgeous, where she falls. Colin skewers her act: "You'd fall under 'knows she's gorgeous but likes to hear it anyway.'" Heh. He gets up and, not unkindly, reminds her about the midterm. I wonder how long Wallace is going to tell the story about how supremely she was denied here. Of course, he could always double his fee to hush the matter up.

Speaking of Wallace, he looks at his watch and seems nervous and impatient.

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Veronica Mars

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