Veronica Mars
I Am God

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 4 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
We're Not Kidding, Show Killer. Back!

Back in the present, Beaver says that Cervando was normally a pretty cool guy, but that, the next day, he was on the warpath, since Dick's gun was loaded with bleach. Frankly, this is one time I'd thank Dick for his immaturity, because those jeans put the "ugh" in "fugly."

Back in flashback, we see Cervando stalk out of a classroom, white stains all over the jeans, and shove Beaver up against a bank of lockers. Over Beaver's protests that he didn't do anything, he gives Beaver a paper with the size, style, and color of the jeans he wants, and then Clemmons appears and calls Cervando away. Beaver's already plotted his revenge, though -- he just needs to download directions to the irregular outlet.

In the present, Beaver speculates that Dick was "too big" for Cervando, so he picked on Beaver: "Story of my life." Oh, dear. If everyone who ever had a score with Dick settled it with Beaver, who knows what the kid might be, um, driven to do?

Keith hands over a tape to Clemmons, saying that it's got a recording of "Dr. Burns"'s office manager offering to give Veronica a diagnosis of GAD in exchange for a thousand-dollar consultation fee. Clemmons asks how he got it. Keith: "Painfully. You gotta kiss a lotta toads before you find your medical office manager." Clemmons and Keith grin at each other rather skeevily.

Outside, Angie's egg survives the drop from twelve feet, but she used...helium balloons? Is she kidding? I mean, if you attached tiny retro-rockets to the egg, would that be okay too? Actually, that would be pretty cool -- you could get an A in physics and cook breakfast at the same time. Anyway, Logan sarcastically claps (watch the bend on the wrists, if you doubt my earlier statement) and Wallace gives him the eye-rolliest of commiserative facial expressions. Wu announces that Logan and Wallace are the only other ones left in the running for the final-exam exemption, so I guess they go to thirteen feet if they survive twelve, not that that stepladder they're using isn't closed tightly enough already to spell potential lawsuit. Wallace pats a nervous-looking Logan on the back and heads up the ladder with a complicated casing that has "Pirates" written on it. If Logan and Wallace win, maybe the school will hire them to design a large-scale model for their buses. Ounce of prevention, you know. Wu opens it and takes out the egg, which looks good -- except for a tiny crack on the side. Logan screws up his mouth, all, "Can't win 'em all." He'd know.

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Veronica Mars

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