Veronica Mars
I Am God

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 1 USERS: A+
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We're Not Kidding, Show Killer. Back!

Veronica's got her Powerbook open, but she's not looking at it. And I'm thinking that whoever she is looking at might want to duck and cover, since her facial expression so satisfied that she might as well just spit out a canary's feather. Anyway, Dick notices her stare, and she beckons him over. Dick: "Just because you wiggle your finger doesn't mean Dick's gonna come." Maybe not, but when the sun comes up every day, you learn to take it for granted. (Sorry, California!) Anyway, Veronica taps a couple of keys and then turns her laptop around to reveal this message: "I Know Who You Did Last Summer." Hee. Dick's apparently not as proud of his sexual history as he'd like everyone to think, so he rushes over, and Veronica plays him a recording that's ostensibly the one from the bus, with Dick leaving Betina a "bamp chicka wow wow" message, and I mean that quite literally. Dick explains that everyone has his or her "secret shame," and if you get tanked at the wrong party, "stumble a couple rungs down the food chain...you know how it is. You dated that cop." Who's now on Modern Men, just to go with the whole "slipping down" idea. Veronica: "Patience. Dwindling." Dick: "Sometimes you don't need the prettiest horse. Just one that lets you ride bareback." Boy, that Eternal Sunshine treatment is looking better and better. Veronica manages to stifle the dry heaves to ask if Dick didn't think that was dangerous, and Dick says, "What am I, stupid? She was on the Pill." Boy, show, if you're going to paint it that Dick would never be dumb enough to get a girl pregnant, the idea of Duncan being some sort of genius gets even harder to buy. And here I thought that wasn't possible. Dick adds that Betina never complained, but Veronica points out that her playing his messages for everyone on the bus's amusement hardly smacks of a satisfied customer. Dick says that Betina had no reason to be upset with him, and that he even gave her a present that day -- a Sharks premium ticket package, in his memorabilia bag. Veronica recalls that she raffled off the tickets, and he didn't win them. Dick says that "that gay kid" who won them tossed them in the trash, so he grabbed them, thinking Betina might like them: "Pissed-off white-trash booty buddy; free tickets. It's a no-brainer!" Veronica shakes her head in disgust, but unless the timeline's screwy here, I have to point out that she came up with "booty buddy" first. It's just that Dick took it to the next level, and you know his escalator only goes down.

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Veronica Mars

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