Kevin Hill is so sexy, even guys hit on him! Wouldn't you just die?
A proctor hands out some tests and closes the door as VMVO tells us that today marks "that orgy of tension known as midterms." Hmm. I haven't been to an event where "orgy" and "tension" were both appropriate words to describe the action, but I am a little young to have attended a key party. Veronica sees a girl kicking her locker as VMVO adds that some people handle midterms better than others...
...and we cut to a close-up of a newspaper phone-sex ad, complete with Sabrina's picture, that reads, "I'm Miss Sabrina. The only thing I won't do...is say no." Considering what she'd have to do with the phone to make good on her promise, I think I might get out the disinfectant, because just the thought is grossing me out. Sabrina is showing the ad to a teacher in front of a packed classroom, saying that the phone was ringing all night, and that her family couldn't unplug it because her dad is a doctor. I think doctors have services that contact them in emergencies, but since I'm not a fan of this Sabrina, I'm willing to overlook a contrivance if it means she was awakened fifty times by guys who jerk off to reruns of Xena. Dick Casablancas coughs "I've been bad!" into his hand. I don't think his hand is going to advance any arguments. Sabrina complains that, also, someone let the air out of her tires that morning. The teacher sympathetically tells her that they can schedule a makeup for her, prompting a young Asian student, "Mr. Cho," to pipe up that making an exception for Sabrina isn't fair. The teacher tells him that when he's personally attacked, they'll talk. Well, we'll just have to see how the recap goes. Sabrina leaves, and Mr. Cho leans in to Dick and "whispers," "How about, 'When my mom's elected school-board president, we'll talk'?" Since when is this self-bootstrap-pulling kid so chatty with the king of the asshole 09ers? Dick laughs like it's the funniest thing he's heard all day. I don't really want to spend much time pondering all the things Dick Casablancas hears in a typical day, but I'm still willing to bet this: it ain't.
Sabrina enters the girls' bathroom and tells Veronica that she heard it's kind of like her office. Y'all know how I feel about that, but at least she doesn't have the door barricaded. Sabrina says she needs Veronica's help. Veronica, referring to the axle grease Sabrina's got on her shoulders, suggests club soda. Heh. Sabrina says she got a flat, which she had to change herself, and then discovered that there was no hole in the tire -- someone just let the air out. I'd give props to said someone, except I know who it turns out to be, and the only way I'd give that actor props is under the influence of a Jedi. Sabrina adds that she broke up with Caz, the guy Meg thought had a crush on her in "Ruskie Business," two months ago, and ever since then, he's been harassing her. I'm not sure finger-guns meet the definition of harassment, but I'll agree with her that they probably should. Sabrina says, "I hear that you do things. I need you to make him stop." Considering Veronica's reputation at the school, you'll forgive me if I'd like Sabrina to be a little more specific. Veronica declines with no love lost, but Sabrina offers money -- a hundred now, and four hundred more when she proves that Caz is the harasser. Perhaps they took that money out of the sound-editing budget, as Sabrina's next line about there being a new catastrophe every time she tries to study is badly dubbed and sounds horrible. VMVO muses that she's broke, and that Amelia's hotel room is seventy bucks a day. For that rat trap? There must be much cheaper rooms in the seedier parts of town, Veronica. Where do you think Cliff gets all his clients? Anyway, Veronica takes the advance, and Sabrina flounces out.