Veronica Mars
Leave It To Beaver

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 12 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
So Bye, Bye, Miss Lillian Kane...

Outside, Veronica calls Keith and catches him up. He tells her to stay put, but she informs him that Haaron's busy at the party, and that she'll be home in ten minutes. She then tries Logan -- who's on the Coronado Bridge, if the establishing shot is any indication -- drinking and flirting with the idea of following in his mom's footsteps. Oh, Logan, don't do it. You haven't got the cushioning in either lips or chest to be able to survive, and if you don't, my boards are going to be a grim place indeed. Except for the party that Demian would throw -- his crab puffs are so good they'd turn a certain governor Democratic. Logan's phone goes to voicemail with this greeting: "You've reached Logan! And here's today's inspirational message: adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels." Hee. Veronica hangs up. Back on the bridge, it occurs to me that Logan's position is a lot like the scene on the bridge in Saturday Night Fever when that guy jumped to his death. The only thing missing so far is a little tag-team rape, but here come Weevil and the bikers to rectify that oversight. I'll also note that "Bad Boyfriend" is playing again, and I'm really flattered if the show paid extra on the music usage just to give me a shout-out. Weevil pulls off his helmet, and Logan drunkenly asks what Weevil thinks he can do to him. Weevil: "I'll think of something." I said it already: gang rape. I recapped Oz. I know whereof I speak. So does Logan, as he beckons Weevil forward with a smile. Grin and bear it, Logan. I should note that Logan's far enough out of town that it seems unlikely Weevil and the bikers would have found him randomly, but it's possible that they were tailing him. Seems like a pretty public place to commit a violent crime, though. It's also possible that Veronica called Weevil -- there was a cut in time there -- but I think that would be pretty cheap for a summer-long cliffhanger. Or "bridgehanger," if you will. Hey, did you ever notice that when someone says "if you will," you usually won't?

Dark road. Veronica answers her phone, and Duncan tells her that he's been asking everyone, but that no one knows where Haaron is. He asks her to call when she gets home, and they hang up. Veronica checks the road, and then the rearview mirror -- and sees Haaron's reflection. Despite a sense that that was coming, it was well done and very creepy. Just to sum up for those in the slow lane, Haaron got the idea of the vents from Fuckface, and decided to search Lilly's room for the tapes. He was working on the vents when the noise from Veronica's dropped tray alerted him, so he hid in the closet. Once he knew Veronica found the tapes, he decided to hide out in her car, which he probably recognized from sometime when she was over visiting Logan. Veronica shrieks and almost loses control of the car, but Haaron calmly tells her to keep driving. Veronica reaches for her bag, in which I assume is her stun gun, but Haaron isn't having that, and grabs the bag himself and secures the tapes. While Veronica could tell him that she's already told her dad and Duncan about Haaron, he'd probably kill her anyway, so I don't blame her for deciding to take drastic measures here. She tugs on her seatbelt to make sure it's secure, and then drives the car straight into a tree, throwing Haaron into the front seat. You'd think he'd have been more careful to secure himself, with all the experience he's had with belts. Smoke rises from the crumpled hood, and the horn heralds the last commercial break of the season.

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Veronica Mars

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