Veronica Mars
Leave It To Beaver

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 11 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
So Bye, Bye, Miss Lillian Kane...

We hear Veronica crying, and I hope something's wrong with my picture, because the first thing I think is that Haaron's buried her alive, and Veronica kicks ass in a lot of ways, but I don't think she's had time yet to train with Pai Mei, you know? Just as well -- she's got a smart mouth, and I wouldn't want her to lose an eye. We hear Haaron's electronic-sounding voice, who tells her she's an odd duck, keeping walkie-talkies in her car. She grabs the communicator Haaron left for her, which bathes the enclosed space in a creepy red light. Ooh, this looks more like The Vanishing. And poor Veronica doesn't even have Kiefer to keep her company. We see Haaron sitting on a refrigerator that's turned on its side, inside which Veronica is apparently imprisoned. Haaron tries to get her to give up the tapes, and when she won't tell him where they are, he grabs a can of gasoline. Good thing he's not in the 09er district, so he's got all these handy props available. If he were home, all he could do is pour alcohol and pills down Veronica's throat, and that would really be derivative.

Keith drives, presumably tracking Veronica's cell phone.

Haaron babbles about Joan of Arc's having had a brain tumor as he liberally pours gasoline around. Even someone as rich as you shouldn't be wasting that stuff at today's prices, dude. Also, just a thought: Did Haaron kill the owner of the house? Because if not, you'd think he'd be coming to here. Veronica smells the gas and really starts to freak.

Keith arrives at the crashed car.

Haaron tells Veronica that Lilly wouldn't give up the tapes, either, and maybe there's a cautionary tale. In case you still had doubts, HE DID IT. He expounds on that thought: "I'm not gonna let a seventeen-year-old piece of ass RUIN MY LIFE!" Well, did you ever consider, you know, NOT FUCKING ONE? Sheesh, movie stars. Veronica finally says that the tapes are on the roof, which isn't the whole truth, as we know. Haaron finds the one on high, but then Keith appears, gun drawn. Veronica calls out, and her voice comes through the walkie-talkie in Haaron's hand, causing Keith to look up. Haaron jumps down on him. They grapple, and Keith gets Haaron in a headlock, but Haaron manages to break a bottle on Keith's head, leaving a nasty gash. The two of them grapple and throw things at each other, but the upbeat voice of Dean Martin is decidedly absent, so you know you're not supposed to be enjoying this. Despite the tae kwon do lessons, the fight is pure street, until eventually Haaron gets in a good one and knocks Keith to the ground. Haaron's about to deliver the death blow, but Keith picks up some bit of white-trashery next to him and pops Haaron in the goolies. It's about time someone tried to put those out of commission. Haaron goes down, and Keith, almost out of energy, limply punches him a few times. But Haaron produces a Zippo, and with the practiced fingers he was so likely to have, ignites it and tosses it in the refrigerator's direction. It flares up, and Haaron laughs that Keith might want to check up on Veronica. Keith lumbers toward her and tries to figure out how to negotiate the flames as Haaron steals away. Keith lifts up the refrigerator and frees Veronica, but he's very well on fire at this point, possibly from having rolled around on the gasoline-drenched ground. People complained that Keith didn't "stop, drop, and roll" once he freed Veronica, but it actually looks to me like he was attempting to, a little bit, but he was just too incapacitated to pull it off. Veronica grabs what looks like a big horse blanket and successfully beats the flames into submission, and then cries as she says she knew Keith would save her. Aww. Keith can't speak due to smoke inhalation, but we'll just give him the benefit of the doubt that he's saying, "I love you too." He might also be adding, "Next time frickin' LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL YOU TO STAY AT THE KANE ESTATE." But we'll never know now.

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Veronica Mars

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