Veronica: "Did she invite me for supper?" Hee. Wallace says it ain't no thing. Veronica changes the subject to the purity test. She's got the homepage up, which says that for ten bucks you can find out the result of anyone's purity test. Sorry, but that sounds like complete bullshit. There's no way someone could risk doing that without more warnings than on Saving Private Ryan in primetime, in which case no one remotely concerned about his or her reputation would take the test. Weak, here. Wallace can't believe it. Veronica: "I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda can't wait for school tomorrow." Violence and schadenfreude? Is it any wonder this girl's popular at TWoP?
School. Chaos. A lot of lockers have scores painted on them, and from the ones we see, you could be forgiven for thinking that the maximum score possible was fifty. People are screaming at each other -- friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, et cetera. One, it's apparent that it's not just the scores that were available, but the complete breakdown of everyone's answers. Also, the girls are collectively getting a much, much harder time than the guys, which is depressingly realistic. Anyway, Saint Blonde is cleaning the "48" off her locker as Boyfriend Blue Balls accuses her of having slept with some Spanish guy while she was on vacation. Well, there goes my purity test. I knew that trip to Barcelona would come back to haunt me. Saint Blonde denies the accusation, adding that she never even took the test, but BBB doesn't believe her: "You turned me into a joke. Thanks." Dude, weren't you at the table with your friends before? There wasn't a whole lot of "turning" involved. Veronica, who until now was enjoying herself, hears this exchange and looks discomfited. She consoles Saint Blonde and says she believes her: "You're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning." That comment only serves to evoke the image of Lily Tomlin poisoning Dabney Coleman's coffee in 9 to 5. Yeah, not so much with the straight, here. Veronica offers to find out who posted the test for Saint Blonde. But that will have to wait until after the opening credits, because at nine minutes this is the Longest. Teaser. Ever. A long time ago, this episode started.
Who are these people in the credits? Do they ever show up to work?
Veronica bustles into the computer lab and babbles a bunch of computer-speak at the hapless guy in charge. Basically, she wants to know how someone could have hacked into the school's server and gotten hold of everyone's passwords. The guy's like, yeah, I'm actually a gym teacher, like...she wouldn't know that? Why is everyone in this episode acting like it's their first day at a new school? Because that's not a fun place to be. Just ask Wallace. The guy tells Veronica to look for a blue-haired "Mac" in the parking lot. And I suppose said lot is named after a guy called "Tosh."