Veronica enters auditions for Cabaret. And if there's anywhere Logan should have been in the episode, it's here. Kimmy auditions, and gets props. Then it's Saint Blonde's turn. She sings "Don't Tell Mama," and with the sexy lyrics, she's soon getting heckled from all sides. Okay, first off, if that many people are harassing her, the teacher doing the auditions should just clear the room. And secondly, I know I keep harping on this, but I simply don't understand why Saint Blonde is being singled out for so much abuse. She has no one who'll stick up for her? It makes no sense. Anyway, it gets so bad that Saint Blonde can't go on, and flees the scene. ["Too bad. That song rules." -- Wing Chun] Veronica goes after her. Saint Blonde says that everyone thinks she's the biggest slut in school. However, they've stopped at Veronica's locker, which now has a big "14" taped on it. Veronica: "Second biggest." VMVO: "I suppose the only surprise is that it took them this long to come after me." Well, since you bring up "coming after you," I'd make this point: Veronica's being made out to be the biggest slut since Traci Lords. So where are all the guys she's supposedly slept with? How come tons of guys aren't trying to get a piece of that action, or at least pretending to have boned this hot girl? I guess it's fitting that the show takes place in Neptune, because these guys sure aren't acting like they're from Earth.
Veronica's typing on her computer as we get a corn-pone version of VMVO, pretending to be some graduate student originally from Koontz's hometown. She Photoshops the Price Is Right image of herself into a shot of a "Welcome to Stallingsburg, Virginia" sign. I'm thinking that trip was one of the consolation prizes. Back in her normal voice, VMVO tells us she spent ten bucks to read her faked purity test: "Apparently I've pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goofballs!" Well, that's kind of an anticlimactic end to the question of how Veronica lost her virginity. Because honestly, who hasn't?
Veronica goes back to see Frenchy, and it's not that I want to stereotype the French, because it's not like we do that in this country. But this guy is giving me a serious Henri-from-Cheers vibe, and given that later events bear out his Lothario-ness, I'll go with it. It'd be better if there were characters on this show named Kelly and Woody, though. Veronica tells Henri that she needs to change her password, since someone figured out the old one. He starts to lecture her on picking something obscure. Veronica: "My old password was GJ7B exclamation point X." Henri: "Well, try and make this one a little bit tougher." Oh, those French. They never apologize, even when they're clearly ri...er, "wrong."