Veronica Mars
Like A Virgin

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 6 USERS: A
Feels So Bad Inside

Anyway, Duncan arrives at the table as Ugly Owen Wilson busts on Skanky Bitch, who's named "Pam." All the Pams I know are sweetness and light, so if that's supposed to be some sort of shout-out, it's getting marked "Return to Sender." Anyway, Ugly Owen Wilson's point is that Pam got a 63 on the "Purity Test," which is an online quiz of twee questions about your various and sundry exploits, be they sexual, drug-related, or just plain illegal. In other words, "blue state." Duncan makes a joke, and Pam cracks up like he's Jon Stewart or something. Beta Lilly tells us that everyone in the school got the test. Note, by the way, as I indicated above, how openly the kids are talking about their results here. Also, as pointed out repeatedly on the forums, this sort of test has been around on the internet for years, so it seems kind of ridiculous that it's suddenly causing such a sensation. Particularly among kids who eat their lunches over waaaaay nicer laptops than I will ever own. Speaking of lunch, I'm in the mood for something bitter. Saint Blonde's boyfriend admits that he got a 91, which is just south of "driven snow." Saint Blonde thinks that's sweet, and kisses him before strolling off. Duncan ranks on him, sarcastically congratulating him on kissing on the lips now. The dude, who's way too cute never to have gotten any action, self-deprecatingly asks what second base is like. Geez, dude, that's kind of pathetic. Cute, rich sixteen- or seventeen-year-olds' sex lives shouldn't really sound like an Abbott and Costello routine, you know?

Veronica is Chez Wallace, about to watch a fight on Pay-Per-View. Hee. I certainly buy Veronica enjoying a spot of violence here and there. In fact, I'm surprised we haven't seen her take up jujitsu yet. Wallace asks Veronica if she took the purity test. Veronica's look is so dismissive that I wish I could bottle it and use it in cases of emergency. It would save me a lot of facial wrinkles and eye strain. Wallace tries to cover that he didn't take it either, but Veronica calls him out, so he admits he got a 70. Veronica: "You're a thirty percent danger-lovin' girl-touchin' rock star!" So, that thirty percent is passive, then. Wallace demurs that he's one point away from being cool (?), which is reason enough for Veronica to unzip her hoodie and flash him her sports bra. Well, I don't quite follow the logic there, but it's not like seeing Veronica disrobe is offensive to me. If Colantoni has a sex scene, though, we're gonna have a problem. And in fact, we have a problem right now, as a cut reveals that Wallace's mom was in the room for Veronica's little nork flash, and no FCC employee could look sterner than she does right now. She asks Wallace to speak to him in the other room. Veronica whispers, "That had to be worth at least two points." Heh.

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Veronica Mars




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