Veronica Mars
Like A Virgin

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 6 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Feels So Bad Inside

In the kitchen, we get a look at Wallace's brother, who according to a couple of the forum posters, is played by Percy Daggs's real-life brother. In any case, the resemblance is striking. Wallace's mom is played by Erica Gimpel, who was Coco on the TV series Fame, and is looking pretty damn good for forty. I suppose she is gonna live forever. I don't want to get sidetracked from Veronica here, though, so I'm hoping she doesn't find the cafeteria. Wallace's mom lectures him about hanging out with Veronica, saying she's only heard bad things about the Mars family. Again, it seems a little late for them to be having this discussion: Veronica's been Wallace's bestest bud from the very beginning, and we're eight episodes in here. Anyway, Mrs. Wallace tells her son not to spend all his time with her.

Veronica: "Did she invite me for supper?" Hee. Wallace says it ain't no thing. Veronica changes the subject to the purity test. She's got the homepage up, which says that for ten bucks you can find out the result of anyone's purity test. Sorry, but that sounds like complete bullshit. There's no way someone could risk doing that without more warnings than on Saving Private Ryan in primetime, in which case no one remotely concerned about his or her reputation would take the test. Weak, here. Wallace can't believe it. Veronica: "I never thought I'd say this, but I kinda can't wait for school tomorrow." Violence and schadenfreude? Is it any wonder this girl's popular at TWoP?

School. Chaos. A lot of lockers have scores painted on them, and from the ones we see, you could be forgiven for thinking that the maximum score possible was fifty. People are screaming at each other -- friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, et cetera. One, it's apparent that it's not just the scores that were available, but the complete breakdown of everyone's answers. Also, the girls are collectively getting a much, much harder time than the guys, which is depressingly realistic. Anyway, Saint Blonde is cleaning the "48" off her locker as Boyfriend Blue Balls accuses her of having slept with some Spanish guy while she was on vacation. Well, there goes my purity test. I knew that trip to Barcelona would come back to haunt me. Saint Blonde denies the accusation, adding that she never even took the test, but BBB doesn't believe her: "You turned me into a joke. Thanks." Dude, weren't you at the table with your friends before? There wasn't a whole lot of "turning" involved. Veronica, who until now was enjoying herself, hears this exchange and looks discomfited. She consoles Saint Blonde and says she believes her: "You're the last good person at this school. I'd believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning." That comment only serves to evoke the image of Lily Tomlin poisoning Dabney Coleman's coffee in 9 to 5. Yeah, not so much with the straight, here. Veronica offers to find out who posted the test for Saint Blonde. But that will have to wait until after the opening credits, because at nine minutes this is the Longest. Teaser. Ever. A long time ago, this episode started.

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Veronica Mars

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