Veronica Mars
Like A Virgin

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 6 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Feels So Bad Inside

Who are these people in the credits? Do they ever show up to work?

Veronica bustles into the computer lab and babbles a bunch of computer-speak at the hapless guy in charge. Basically, she wants to know how someone could have hacked into the school's server and gotten hold of everyone's passwords. The guy's like, yeah, I'm actually a gym teacher, like...she wouldn't know that? Why is everyone in this episode acting like it's their first day at a new school? Because that's not a fun place to be. Just ask Wallace. The guy tells Veronica to look for a blue-haired "Mac" in the parking lot. And I suppose said lot is named after a guy called "Tosh."

Lot. Veronica spies the Mac in question, who's got a thin shock of blue hair on one side of her head, struggling with her car, having locked the keys in. Well, that's a promising start, genius. I can live with it, though, because it allows Veronica to make a Repo Man reference while jimmying the lock open. Can't you just picture her saying, "Fuck that!" in response to the question, "What about our relationship?" And then she'd definitely get on the spaceship. Even the real Neptune is better than this shit. Where was I? Mac and Veronica bond over how crappy their cars are, although Veronica's is kind of a poser in that department, while Mac's is the real lemony deal. Also, Mac's last name is "Mackenzie," hence the nickname.

Sometime later, Mac is telling Veronica that to post a test for someone else, you'd have to use the person in question's password, and the only person who would have all the students' passwords is the IT guy, who works all over the district, but is at Neptune Tuesday and Friday. Also, he's apparently kind of hot. Mac tells Veronica to try him, and that if he can't help, Mac will dip into her bag of IT tricks. I wonder if they're setting Mac up to be the Willow here. Stay away from the magic crack, Mac. But at least she's not dressing like a Muppet on PCP. Yet.

Veronica is posing in front of a dropcloth in a Price Is Right-model pose while Wallace takes her picture. Veronica, I know you were complaining about your ride, but this isn't going to magically cause the curtain to open to reveal "A NEW CAR!" Although I can't say I've ever tried it. Hold on a second. Nope, definitely not. Wallace asks why she's channeling Janice and Holly, whom I bet are bitter, chain-smoking alcoholics now. More power to them. Veronica: "So that one day in your memoirs, you'll describe me as inscrutable." Heh. Wallace goes to get the phone. Veronica looks out the window, and sees Coco talking to some losery dude in a wifebeater downstairs. Apparently, Coco's his landlord, and he's two months behind on the rent. Anyway, long story short, the guy's a total loser deadbeat, and Coco's frustrated with the whole thing. I'd be frustrated too, if I had to do scenes with that jerkweed.

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Veronica Mars

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