Veronica Mars
Like A Virgin

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 6 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Feels So Bad Inside

Coco and Wallace come home to find the loser neighbor cooking something extremely unappetizing-looking on their stove. You are what you eat, I guess. The neighbor sort of looks like a young Aidan Quinn on heroin. And that's a scrawny place to be. Anyway, he complains that he only has a hot plate in his apartment, like...what? Coco's place is pretty damn nice, so I don't buy that she's slum lording here, so what's this guy's motivation for being such a tool? Also, how did he get in, and why doesn't she just call the sheriff or U.S. Marshals and get this guy's worthless ass thrown out if he's harassing her on top of being delinquent with the rent? It's funny that we were just in the kitchen, because I was just thinking this week's script could have used a little more time in the oven.

Chez Mars. Wallace tells Veronica about the incident with Psycho Aidan Quinn, and Veronica volunteers Keith to help. Keith appears: "Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?" One thing I do like is how Wallace is sort of being adopted into the Mars family. I only wish Keith could have demonstrated that with a comment that didn't give me the cold chills. Veronica fills Keith in, and Keith says he'll stop by Wallace's place, despite Wallace's evident misgivings about the idea. Veronica tells Wallace not to worry.

Class. Veronica tells Saint Blonde that the version of the purity test everyone took was originally published in "GrindGirl magazine." Saint Blonde tells her that her sister subscribes to that publication, and Veronica adds that she's the only person at Neptune High who does. That's just got to be horseshit. Only one girl in the whole high school subscribes to a magazine with Cosmo-like content? The teacher catches Veronica talking, and asks her position on whatever boring issue they're talking about, which is cue for Ugly Owen Wilson to pipe up, "All fours?" The teacher is unamused, not least because there were about fifty better insults available. She tells Ugly Owen Wilson -- whose name, it turns out, is "Dick Casablancas" -- to see her after class. Veronica waggles a finger at him as VMVO chimes in, "Congratulations, Dick. You just made my list." Just made your list? He looks like an Ugly Owen Wilson, and his name is Dick Casablancas! He should be your list!

Keith goes to see Coco, whose demeanor turns chilly once she learns who he is. I'm not sure to what extent I buy this. I'm sure she heard some terrible things, but I don't see why the recriminations of her co-workers would necessarily override the testimony of her son. (I'd wonder, too, if she knows about the whole Veronica cutting Wallace down from the flagpole incident, but considering they're not living in an estate the size of Versailles that they bought with the proceeds from the ensuing lawsuit, I'm going to guess he didn't choose to tell her about that particular episode.) Anyway, Coco fairly rudely refuses Keith's offer of help. On his way out, Keith notes that Psycho Aidan Quinn's name is "Jeremy Masterson." Seems like a bit of useless information, but perhaps that's only fitting for this subplot.

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Veronica Mars

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