So, what doesn't happen this episode? We begin by learning that Veronica has chlamydia, which (a) she got from Duncan (who might have gotten it from Kendall, maybe?), (b) she got from Logan last summer, or (c) she got from some other dude we've never heard about. (By the way, Microsoft, "chlamydia" is not a proper name and does not need to be capitalized. Unless it turns out Chlamydia was the Greek Muse of itchy crotches). And then Gia asks Veronica to help her deal with a little stalking problem. At first, it seems as though the stalker is Leo, but it turns out Leo was just hired by the Woodman to provide private security to Gia. But, then we learn there's a real stalker, who delivers video footage of Gia watching her little brother play soccer, leading Veronica and Keith to conclude that the stalker is the same person who was making creepy videos of the Woodman and his family. While this is going on, the Woodman calls Keith to a seedy motel, where he has a woman who's passed out in his bed and needs to get to the hospital. Keith agrees to take her there and keep it quiet so Woody can avoid a scandal, but then the news leaks out, and Woody accuses Keith of getting the woman drunk. The woman herself has disappeared, making me wonder whether Woody didn't set the whole thing up as a trap for Keith. The ensuing flap causes Gia to get angry at the entire Mars clan, throwing a little bug into the stalker investigation. Fortunately, Veronica is persistent in the face of personal rejection, and soon discovers that the stalker is Lucky, the janitor. Veronica and Gia find themselves in Lucky's little lair, admiring his big knife, and it's a bit scary. As scary as someone named "Lucky" can be. Keith rescues them, and when Sheriff Lamb tries to chase Keith away, he handcuffs himself to Lucky, leading to Lucky almost making a jailhouse confession to Keith as to why he's after Woody. And on top of all of that, there's some serious prom drama going on. Serious drunken behavior on the senior class trip causes the school to cancel the prom, so Logan and Dick decide to host their own "alterna-prom" at the penthouse. Logan invites Veronica, but makes it clear that this special party is for rich folks only. So, of course, Veronica isn't too particular about preventing some non-rich kids from finding out about it. Mac finds herself dragged along with Butters, and Jackie and Wallace decide to make a grand night of it. Three important things happen at the prom: (1) Veronica totally (but subtly) rips on Madison for her thing with Sheriff Lamb; (2) Jackie and Wallace do the nasty; and (3) drunk Logan confesses his regret over losing Veronica, and almost kisses her. Veronica (of course) runs away from the kiss, but returns the next morning to tell Logan that she doesn't want him out of her life. By then, he has completely forgotten his drunken confession, and Veronica finds Kendall in the penthouse with her metaphorical tentacles wrapped all around Logan.
Neptune High. Veronica walks down the hallway, as VMVO basically informs us that she has chlamydia. I'd think that would mean she's at the point where she has no secrets from the viewers, if I hadn't actually watched the show before. But, as many posters pointed out, chlamydia is a very contagious and common STD, so the writers (and the network) deserve props for some realism here. Of course, when Duncan gave Veronica that fortune, I doubt this is what he had in mind, but it does seem fitting that this is the last remnant of "V/D." Veronica catches Wallace and Jackie in a pose where you can hardly tell where one of them ends and the other begins. Despite this, she resists the urge to call them by a portmanteau name, which just means Veronica's a girl more after my own heart than even I realized. Instead, she puts a spin on a classic: "Get a room -- in Australia." Well, Veronica, even over there they're going to be sickening. The best you can hope for is that their tongues will swirl in the opposite direction. No offense to the happy-for-the-foreseeable-future couple, though, and let's move on, before we start grousing about how short that foreseeable future is (thanks to the CW executives' decision to keep everyone who cares about this and any other show they own in nail-biting suspense). Jackie giddily says that she and Wallace have given in to the whole prom experience. She was pretty giddy at the Homecoming Dance, too, but this time the feeling seems to be somewhat less chemically induced. She says that since prom only happens once, why not go all out? Mac appears at this moment, and grouses, "Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters?" The bitter apparently aren't big fans of rhetorical questions. Veronica starts, "I didn't think he'd actually..." and it's a good thing Mac cuts her off right there, because whatever Veronica was going to say was likely to smell bad enough to completely put me off my dinner. Mac: "He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine. We're having dinner on a replica pirate ship, and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home." Write your own joke about the Hindenburg here. Jackie and Wallace giggle at Mac's misfortune, because if there's one thing that makes a newly-reunited couple less nauseating, it's their overwhelming sympathy for the romantic plights of others. Anyway, Mac starts to threaten suicide, which might be a slight overreaction, but then Clemmons's voice comes over the PA, announcing that due to numerous alcohol violations on the senior trip, prom has been canceled. Looks like Madison's prediction about people puking off Batman The Ride was way more astute than I realized. The extras let out groans that aren't likely to send a lot of agents to their phones, if you get my drift. Mac, however, rejoices: "Prayer works!" I hope so -- the forum posters are counting on it.